Candy Coated Love-Laughing Jack X Reader ~Completed~ #Wattys2015

I SWEAR I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!

I trudged through the freshly fallen snow to the douchebag's carnival. I opened up the frozen gate and shouted "LJ, you better give me my phone right now or I swear I'm going to kill you!"

"It's nice to see you too, y/n."

I turned to see him standing there. It seems that creepypastas aren't affected by cold climates for that stinking clown wasn't even wearing a scarf. "Give me the phone."

"Why should I?"
"I need it."

"For what?"
"You wouldn't understand because you're not human."
"That's just cold."

He laughed at his own joke. "Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny." I said sarcasticlly.

"Don't worry, y/n I've got even more jokes that'll warm you right up!"

I glared at him, trying to get lasers to shoot a hole into his forehead, but instead I only got a fart. Jack looked around, clearly he's never heard a fart before.

"What was that blasphamy?"

"It was my butt talking."

"You have magical butt cheeks?"

"It's an expression, stupid. I farted."

"Hmm?"

"I gave out gas."

He gave a confused look. "You know what I'm dropping this butt talk. Just give me my phone and nobody will be harmed."

He gave me a smirk. "Then you'll have to come and get it."

"Where is it?"

"You have lick my candy stick if you want it." He gave me a perverted smile.

I facepalmed. Sometimes, I swear to god he could be so childish. I know he wants me to go to his nether region but no way was I going to "lick his candy stick" for my phone. I punched him in the gut and said "You won't get hurt if you give me the phone."

"I won't give up that easily, kiddo."

I was fuming. "Don't you ever call me that again."

"Kiddo. Kiddo. Kiddo." He said with a huge grin on his face.

I let my hand collide with his face which knocked him into the snow. I was about to trample him when I saw my Spongebob case. I quickly grabbed my phone, kissed it, and ran back home before that clown would make me do anything gross.