She knew she should've said something... her memory was off, pieces of her life were missing from the past couple of months.
She knew who trixie was and she knew what Trixie meant to her - but she couldn't split up the moments where Trixie had looked at her kindly and with longing and the moments where Trixie claimed she didn't love her anymore...
There was no more chronological order to her memories - Katya was completely lost and blind sided by this.
She refused to say anything though. The physical therapy was already hard enough to face and took more mental effort than Katya had expected - damage she endured not only in her head was also evident along her chest, torso, forearms and fingers; bruises from the air bag, dents in her skin from where the broken glass had punctured, rashes and scarring from where the seat belt had twisted and restricted tighter into her abdomen upon impact - every where she looked along the upper half of her body she could point out damage.
The mental delay was really just the cherry on top of it all, and she was far from ready to face - let alone acknowledge the issue - if anything Katya felt threatened by her own self.
"Katya..."
Her mother spoke up from behind.
Katya had been standing in the mirror looking over her body for the last several minutes. (however she wasn't completely sure of this as time management had also become a struggle).
She looked back at her mother through the reflection as she lowered her shirt and crossed her arms over her chest.
"My angel..."
Ms. Zamolodhikova stepped forwards and put one hand on her daughters shoulder and rested her head on the other, keeping eye contact through the mirror.
"You're beautiful and I love you my darling."
Katya smiled weakly and looked down.
"Thank you..."
she sniffled and chewed on her lip anxiously.
"Are you going to see Trixie, tonight?"
Katya pursed her lips and shrugged she couldn't remember how things were with Trixie at the exact moment -
was it bad?
Was it good?
Did Trixie hate her?
She knew they'd slept together but everything after was yet another blur and even though she had a myriad of texts to go off of; none of them really gave Katya much insight.
She could ask, obviously - but being walled in and afraid she refused to show any sign of insecurity or unsureness in front of Trixie, again - she needed to be confident no matter what.
"Alright well... let me know if you do."
Her mother spoke up and kissed Katya on the forehead before turning away and heading back downstairs to the kitchen to watch a Russian soap opera and finish cooking a broth.
Katya rested her hands on the bathroom counter and without realizing had began to dig her nails into the surface of marble top.
She noticed a mere second later and yanked her hands away while stumbling back a bit.
"Why can't you just fucking remember?"
She muttered through gritted teeth as she rubbed her temples with her fingers before resting her head into the palm of her hands and exhaling shakily.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid."
She continued to berate herself quietly and chew, pick and lick at her lips out of paranoia.
"Bzzzzzz"
Katya looked up with furrowed brows as her phone began to ring, she looked to the display and read: "Barbie."
It was Trixie's caller ID.
She picked up and looked out the window as she spoke;
"Hello?"
She could've sworn it was only mid afternoon a moment ago and now the sun was setting.
How long had she been standing there for?
"Katya, you need fucking help... what was with all those texts? Are you okay? - you can't be doing this, I care about you but common.... please don't do this with me."
{ A/N: I'm actually content with this chapter but also need to sleep now lmao it's 4 am smh. Thanks guys for all your advice on the updates / continuation of this fix, I appreciate it so much!!! especially, DaisiesAndUkuleles I don't think you realized how much your advice actually helped with the next piece of this story (-,: }
