Random Life Stories

The World is on Fire

Well as I'm sure everyone is aware right now apparently a pandemic means we must all panic. Pathetic. Just because hundreds of people are dying and people are scared to death doesn't mean that there should be mass panic. (Okay that was a little sarcastic...)

So the English schools have just been closed (yeah we're slightly behind the rest of the UK because Boris is a bit slow and can't seem to keep up with the rest of the world) and GCSEs and A-Levels have been cancelled. Yeah, education feels pretty pointless right now. Now we've all been very British about this as in we don't give a s*it: well until you start taking away our tea..... and milk for tea...... and bread...... and bog roll. Okay so there are some people over-reacting but have you seen the Brits in Spain just casually carrying on with their holidays as the world just casually burns around them.

Honestly I'm panicking because of my procrastination as I swear I'm going to end up doing s*it all and just playing Minecraft instead of revising, like my Survival World is gonna be great!! I've set some awesome goals that I'm literally never going to reach. The issue is that there's five of us and only one computer in the house (also two iPads and a laptop which doesn't connect to the internet) but today I got back and my Dad had just bought a Chromebook, which I'm writing this on right now 😁 honestly I totally wasn't expecting that! But I guess let's support the economy when everything is dying. 

Going back to the weird bulk buying I swear it's equally super annoying and f*cking hilarious. I mean guys it's a respiratory virus you don't need to prepare to have a river running from your arse! I bet you though that the supermarkets are leaning into this. I mean all publicity is good publicity!....... All they have to do is put out less of everything so then everyone can just beat each other to pulp. Although I guess brawls aren't the best thing to encourage in your store. Nah, ASDA doesn't give a s*it!!!! Also someone sent me this poem and I thought y'all deserved to read it's beauty:

The shelves are all so empty,

It really is a farce,

I ask myself the question,

How will I wipe my arse?

Do I turn to Ebay?

And buy some for a grand,

From a bloke in Bagshot,

That could be second hand.

ASDA has no bog roll,

Tescos got none too,

What will I do tomorrow,

When I want to poo.

Lidl's shelves are empty,

Aldi's stock is low,

I really need some Andrex,

Please tell me where to go.

Do I use a pair of socks?

That might be alright,

But then I have a problem,

My feet will stink of shite.

I could use a towel,

But that's not very fair,

My wife might use the same one,

When she drys her hair.

So when the time arrives,

And I know it's not a trump,

I'll be prepared and ready,

For my first paperless dump.

I will use an old poster,

I have of Miley Cyrus,

So you can kiss my fat clean arse,

Corona Virus.

Again I'd like to say that that isn't my work. I'm not that smart to be honest!!

Well stay safe, wash your hands (make sure to sing 'happy birthday to the corona virus' twice) and do whatever your government says (even if they are a bunch of twats).

Stay inside, protect the NHS (or whatever healthcare you have) and walk around with a 2m radius hula-hoop so you can keep everyone away from you.

C ya and stay safe

Ana Xx