Corona VS Love

Away from Home

"It's positive" She said quietly as her hands were shaking so hard.
"What does it mean?!" I said, denying what was about to be true.
I couldn't endure the pain filling my chest.
"I have it, Sam!' She was crying and coughing. "I have the virus"
I didn't comprehend what was being said but I just wanted to hold her in my arms..
she pushed me away
She was angry. I could see it through her hard looks which were unusual.
"Stay away" she was breaking down and so was my heart.
" I don't care what happens to me, Babe!" I said, trying to calm or convince her but she was far away from me right then.
Fear and Anger were taking over me.
"I don't give a shit about me. I'm not going anywhere. Not going to leave you even if it costs my life." I refused her distant eyes and went to hold her cheeks with my bare hands. She didn't- at first- push me as if she were in another world in her mind but then she realized how close I was to her and suddenly her body was trembling against me so she pushed me so hard that my back reached and hit the wall on the opposite side of the narrow room.
I didn't feel the pain that overtook my back at that moment because that wasn't the real pain I was feeling. She was my pain and my only focus.
Her teary Hazel eyes at the center of  her red cheeks looked at mine and for the first time I saw fear in there instead of pure happiness.
I saw her fears through her eyes and all that pain- physical and mental- she was dealing with at that moment.
"They are coming to take me away now so you better  go, Sam!" Her words were so hard to get out through her constant non-stoppable coughs.
"I love you, Abby! In sickness and health, remember?" I stopped for a moment.
"I don't give a crap about what happens to me! You are my life and I can't live without you.. I just can't"
I whispered and from all that distance yet I saw nothing in that ancient room but her.
"Goooo away!!"  She shouted which made her body weaker and she almost collapsed on the floor.. so did my heart then.
She was thinner
And weaker  and that broke me into pieces
But I had to keep myself together
For her and for us.
I wanted so badly to reach her and tell her that everything was going to be just fine but I knew if I got any close to her, she would be more angry so I stayed where I was.
She -on the other hand- went to sit on the bed! That damn virus was taking over her body and my heart was in literal pain and so I'd never felt so hopeless and weak as that moment.
Seeing her like that broke me so many times.
I couldn't put up with that
I couldn't put up with the fact that I could lose her.
I wished it had been me who got the virus and not her.
She at that moment steadied herself and seemed to focus more on her breaths and lungs, forgetting my presence for seconds then she pointed at the door without looking into my eyes.
"Sam, I will fight this! For us" she struggled saying her sentence, still not looking at my eyes.
I knew she was trying to convince herself before convincing me.
I went to the door in slow motion as every step towards the door was a step away from her.. and she was my only home.
I opened it, waiting for her to say something and to look me in the eyes... she didn't.
She was struggling to take her breaths and I wished I could breath for her.
But I couldn't .
And she was suffering.
"I love you"  she whispered.
I smiled weakly.
I knew she would fight
I believed she was strong
I loved her for it
But I couldn't bring myself to leave her  fighting that virus alone.
I couldn't imagine how my life would be without her even if it was temporary situation.
What if she couldn't make it and COVID-19 defeated her?
The thought made my body hurt physically and my soul ache like no other.
It was like a dagger to my -broken into pieces- heart.
That time the door was opened but not by me.. by the doctor!
They would take her away from me
And I couldn't put up with that thought..
Ever
Without really thinking or even feeling it, I was running and everything was in slow motion except for me.. running so quickly that I couldn't stop myself from doing the dumbest craziest shit that could ever happen.
I smiled at her the way she always did, grabbing her soft reddish hot cheeks with both of my bare hands so rapidly.
She didn't comprehend what I was doing or what was about to take place but she looked me in the eyes and there I found everything that urged me to pursue on what I was about to do.
She was scared... I could see it in her eyes and I could feel it in her cheeks and without taking any other chances.
I kissed her
I kissed her so deeply and she responded to me as if she- for a moment- forgot what was happening.
As if we both needed it more than oxygen.
We didn't need our lungs as much as we needed each other.
The shouts from behind us coming from the doctors were just an echo to us and very distant too like we were on our own island away from everything and everyone.
We were home and for seconds we weren't scared at all of that virus.
It was the Most beautiful and comfortable kiss I had ever had with her for a very long time.
We both opened our eyes and were happy and smiling..
"We are in this together now, Huh?" Smile was taking over my face. I'd never felt so satisfied in my life.... before they pushed me away from her and before she realized what just happened.
"Damn you,  corona!"
I shouted but was smiling..