Corona VS Love

Abby's Fears

Abby's POV
22 March 2020, 3:35 AM
I look up from the ground to see your sad and teary eyes, you look away from me and I see there's something you're tryna hide and I reach for your hand but it's cold
Listening to Dean Lewis' voice on Sam's headphones, I sat on nearby chair, stretching my feet on his bed, his sleepy face looked so angelic, wandering in his dreamworld. I wondered about what he was thinking right now. 'Was he dream-cheating on me with Maya ?!' I thought to myself.
The ventilator machine was sitting beside him with its mask covering most of his face. His chest was moving up and down heavily and relentlessly in addition to that, His heartbeats were slightly higher on the monitor screen. My tired eyes were getting heavier no matter how much I'd fought them.
Unconsciously, I was asleep, joining his dreamland.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Waken up next day by someone's slight touch on my bare feet, it was Sam's. His greenish eyes were open, shooting me with wandering questionable eyes.
I was fueled by anger at that moment, removing the headphones from my numb ears. He was perplexed by my grave reactions.
"How could you!! How could you scare me like that?" I punched him in the stomach fiercely and he moaned from my unexpected action.
"Sorry." I said, regretting it. Removing his facial mask and taking a moment to adjust for breathing on his own, he said weakly, "you shoul-shouldn't be here, Abby."
I steadied my posture by returning my feet to the ground, raising my eyebrows, "I don't care, never good with rules, remember?" I said, clicking my tongue.
"Where's your ma-..ah mask?" He pointed to my face, he struggled with spelling out the words. His coughs were louder each second.
"Plea.ah.se" coughing, "leave" he put on back his mask, grasping for air.
I stood there, amazed. I couldn't deal with what was happening inside me. He didn't want me here, I thought. My burst took me and him off guard,
"I can't believe it, Sam. You ghosted me for days and when I came here to see you, you were on the floor, almost dead. Ahh!" I sighed hopelessly, hoping I didn't get the attention of anyone outside the room with my high-pitched voice.
"Also, Maya, huh? Old friend? Are you freakishly kidding me?" His frowned sad face was watching my madness, he seemed to come to realization that I knew about him and Maya. He shook his head, powerlessly.
"I know she's your EX! Why didn't you tell me! Why ignoring me, Sam? WHY WHY? HUH?!!" He wanted to speak but he was tired from the lack of breath he was trying to take and his sore eyes tired from this virus eating his lungs alive. It kills me that I'm the reason for his pain. I shut my eyes, sitting back , leaning towards his bed and hiding my teary wet face right now.
My voice was broken, "I thought you were gone, I thought I'd never see your adoring eyes looking at mine!" I was crying right now, pain in my chest and aches in my heart. "I thought I lost you" I whispered, "this is all my fault." His eyes were mixture of adoration, fear and sorrow, he hated seeing me like that, I knew it but I couldn't bear the fact of a world without him. I just couldn't.
"I'm..so.sorry, Abby" removing his mask, he said, "didn't want you to wor-worry" he stuttered through his unstoppable coughs.
"It's not your decision to make, Samuel! I'm your wife. YOUR WIFE for God's sake!"
I shouted, I was hardly taking my breath. He was tired, his face was pale, his condition was worse than I'd anticipated, fear and guilt took part of my little fragile heart.
I rested my head on the edge of the bed, closing my eyes trying to stop the tears from coming down, it was hard mission though.
Hot hand rested on my head, moving my hair playfully, it forced me to raise my face to look at his.
His eyes were genuine, gentle and sad, "I'm sorry, Abby.. for every-thing" his coughs were lighter now, I relaxed, grabbing his boiling hand closer to my face, I could swear I heard his heartbeats in my ears, his eyes said it all, every unspoken word was said through his stares and gazes, it took us a moment to get back to reality, that was when I said, " Don't die, okay ?" I ordered him. He smiled helplessly, showing his teeth before coughs interrupted his smile, I smiled back, "I'll do my best to stay alive" he said, adding words before putting on the mask back again, "matching tattoos, huh?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
24March 2020 2:47 AM
I sneaked over to Sam's room carelessly, throwing all the rules in the nearest garbage, it had become a habit of mine to sleep every night at Sam's till sunrise of the next day. It was the only time I could spend time with him without being thrown out by one of the medical staff. It was the right decision to make even though Samuel didn't approve for my health condition, yet he couldn't do anything about it, I was as stubborn as stone. It wasn't the sensible move but definitely was the right one. I didn't want this virus come between us anymore.
Yesterday, Sam asked me to bring my mask with me, I didn't argue with that. I closed the door behind me slowly, tiptoeing till I'd reached my usual spot beside his bed.
I moved my legs as always on his bed, under the blanket, touching his warm feet with my cold ones and putting on the headphones with Dean Lewis' voice playing in the background.
Resting my head on the firm edge of the chair, I fell asleep rapidly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
24 March 2020, same day 1:37 PM
While sitting on my usual chair, I was observing every movement made by everyone including the medical staff, every step was taken, every glance was thrown, every laugh was made, voices mixed together. I didn't give much notice to the noises except when my eyes landed on Andy and Maya sitting together in one corner.
From the way they were sitting, I knew for a fact there was some attraction between them. Somehow it annoyed me and I didn't know why, yet there was one fact I was sure of; Maya was the embodiment of hatred to me right now. I didn't know I was the jealous type anyway.
I crossed my legs, still staring at them when I saw maya resting her hand on Andy's knee. I rolled my eyes, my anger peak was reached starting to drip on my cheeks and throat.
For some reason, I focused on his gazes at her, trying to read him or figuring out the secrets of his charms, his blue eyes were distant yet was so clear and obvious, something about them forced me to look more, to dig deeper, big ocean with deeper horizon than the shown one. Suddenly his gaze ran to mine, I didn't understand why but I didn't flinch, only kept staring back in challenge. I didn't know if it was challenge against myself or him.
Euphoria feeling was in the air mixed with confusion, gutting my stomach. A new feeling was introduced to my heart like a quick breeze tickled me for a second but its effect was deeper than a second. Something I'd never felt before with Sam. I shook off my head out of guilt when Sam's image popped up in my head.
Amongst all that, My nurse, Sally blocked Andy and Maya's image from my sight, bringing me back to earth.
"Ms. William, we need to run some tests on you." She informed me and so I nodded, following her "Abby, please." By that, Andy was far behind me and I could sense his stares at my back.
Going through a hall full of rooms written on them "Emergency Rooms", Sally opened certain door, "we'll take a blood sample and see if the antibodies are still extremely high or not."
"Okay" I nodded.
I went to sit on one of the chairs filled the space there, A man wearing a whole white custom covering his body from head to toe asked me to raise the sleeve of my right arm upwards and so I did. He then inserted a needle into my elbow, taking a blood sample and removing the needle. It left me with itchy feeling covered by wet piece of cotton on the puncture area with a slight pain. Not my first taken blood sample I thought.
Sally then guided me back outside the room.
On the way back to the pit, I simply asked her,
"How are you holding up, Sally ?" My question caught her off guard.
"I'm simply doing my job, that I truly love, Ms William."
"Abby, please"
"Well Abby, I think it's the best job in the world."
I shrugged, I couldn't see her smile under all the precautional clothes and mask layers but I could imagine it. Sally wasn't old woman, she was in her twenties, very young. I couldn't see her face, only her eyes under the goggles but I knew for sure she had certain beauty appeared from the way she moved. That's what made me more confused.
Why someone -in her age- chooses this life! I thought to myself.
"How is it the best job?" I asked her.
"I believe it's a blessing to be chosen to help sick people get back to their homes happily."
"Aren't you afraid of getting infected?"
"Honestly, I'm terrified and tired too but despite all that, it's worthy."
"I'm not following."
"I mean, it's the feeling that I get when someone who was ill or dying , gets cured, it's like watching miracles happen live, the smile they give me when they are healed, things like that.
It just gives me chills. It brings me happiness."
"Where are you in all this?"
"What about me?"
"Aren't you afraid to get infected knowing you might die any moment because of it?" I was curious to understand.
"Well if I died in the process of helping others, than I don't mind it."
"What about your family? Your friends?"
"Well, there's a twist in here too, I'm an orphan, never knew my parents, maybe I missed all that kindness and love of my parents but that's probably what made me willingly give it to the people who are in need for a shoulder to cry on or a friend."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be really, I'm cool with all that, so basically I'm married to this job." She said it, playfully.
We were few centimeters away from the pit,
"I'm gonna miss you" I told her, kindly.
"Me too, as matter of fact, we might say our goodbyes very soon."
I shrugged, not totally understanding.
"Your tests through these weeks are getting better and better, you might leave soon."
"Ohh, that's great." I said, happily before realization hit me, knowing how bad Sam's health had become that he wouldn't leave any time soon.
Overwhelming thoughts were on the way to my head. God, that's so messed up! I wondered.
Getting back to reality, Sally was gone and I was standing there alone so I went to sit on my usual spot. However there was tiny hiccup which was in the shape of man named Andy.
I cleared my throat, "what do you want, Andy?" I said, annoyed.
"You mean, sitting on that chair?" Pointing at the chair beneath his sorry ass.
"Why are you sitting on my chair?" I crossed my arms, ready to kill him with my bare hands... actually with my-covered by gloves- hands.
"Sorry, was it labeled after you?" He raised his eyebrows, in challenge.
"You think you're funny?"
"I know I am"
"Narcissistic, I see."
"Are you going to stand all day?"
"Really, I'm not in the mood for your games." I turned around, deciding to let go of such a spot.
It wasn't worth it anyhow i thought to myself.
He approached me, "look, not playing games but Can't you feel the connection between us?"
"I'm married, Andy!"
"So what?! All your stares all day were what? Huh?!"
"I'm sorry for that, now will you please leave me alone?!" I frowned.
He raised his hands, giving up and giving me back my seat, "No problem, Apple"
"Ah what now ?! Seriously? Apple?"
"What? Apples are delicious and also close to your name, Abple," I could feel his smirk underneath the mask.
"Oh my god."
He frowned, "sorry! Should I call you, pineapple?"
I rolled my eyes, keeping myself from swearing, I Simply returned my cool, leaving his sorry ass behind, "I'll never give up, Abple." I ignored his comment with the silly name he made for me.
I only found one thing-out of his words-interesting.
it was his persistence and courage that was out missing from Sam, At least in his Normal self.
Guilt was creeping inside my core while I was on my way to my room... or maybe the room opposite to mine..
Sam's.