Before I realized I was gay, I was madly in love with Nick Jonas. One wall of my room was covered in a wallpaper of Nick Jonas posters. I would rip them out of Tiger Beat and proudly add them to the creepiest collection I've ever had. I took the quizzes in the teen magazines that determined which Jonas Brother you were destined to be with. I remember reaching the end, seeing that Kevin was my match, and immediately redoing the quiz because who the FUCK do TIGER FUCKING BEAT think they are telling ME that I DON'T BELONG with NICK FUCKING JONAS?!
A couple years after I starting coming out to people, my all girls Catholic school randomly gave away free tickets to a charity concert. Guess who was headlining.
For nostalgia's sake, my friend Calla and I decided that this event was not something we could miss without regretting it forever. Who turns down free tickets to see their childhood beard crush? Somehow, Calla and I maneuvered our way onto the row of chairs behind the major mosh pit in front of the stage. We were at eye level with all the Brothers and probably about 20 feet away. There they were. Nick, Joe, and of course Kevin.
As we enjoyed the sounds of our tweenhood, I remembered the day that I tore down all those Nick posters. That was the day that I realized Nick Jonas... has a penis. I thought maybe I could look past it, just a quirk that I could learn to deal with... But no. I had been struggling with finding boys attractive in the first place, and then on top of that, Nick Jonas was a boy who also had a penis, and this was too much for me to bear. I could no longer look at his curly mophead without the image of a Jonas penis popping into my head. I did not want a Jonas penis in my head, so that was it. Down came the posters, and my love for Nick along with it.
As I bobbed my head to Nick's romance anthem "Lovebug" at the concert, I thanked Nick Jonas' penis in my mind. That penis revealed a piece of the puzzle that is my identity. If I hadn't been strangely obsessed with Nick Jonas, maybe I would still be hopelessly trapped by the dread of heterosexuality.
So thank you Nick Jonas' Penis. Thank you.
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So I Hear You Like Glass
PuisiA collection of musings, poems, memories, nightmares, short stories, and a one way ticket to the bowels of my mind.
