FEAR

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

We had to take two cars to New York since we were bringing Kaylee home with us. I couldn't wait to see her. She was all I could think about the whole way there.

I tried sleeping in the back but it was hard with my seat's, that's what I got for driving a sports car. Nate and Jay thought I was sleeping a lot longer than I actually was. They would have conversations about me and since they thought I was asleep; I couldn't say anything. I hated that they could speak openly about me without feeling guilty.

"I don't think Devon will get her back." Nate was saying. He was driving through South Carolina then.

"Why would you say that?"

"Because she's really into Travis. He's showing her the attention that she needs right now."

"Trust me, in the end, Chelsea will be with Devon. It's the way it's meant to be."

"I don't know. Chelsea seems like she keeps pushing Devon away, like she doesn't even want to try with him." Nate sounded upset. I understood why; Devon was his best friend but I was his sister. He felt conflicted like if something happened between me and his friends he would have to choose, not that I would make him do that. I guess where I've been so closed off; I could see why he would feel that way.

"I know you're her brother and you two are as close as siblings can get but I know Chelsea. You should too. She's pushed all of us away these past couple years. It's how she copes. We have to let her go with whatever until she can feel like we belong in her life."

"You don't think she thinks we belong?"

"I think what happened to her is unimaginable to us. She doesn't deserve our love in her eyes. All we can do is be there for her, whether it is from up close or away depending on what she wants."

"When did you become an expert on Chelsea?" Nate laughed.

"Since she pushed me away. She's been my best friend for so long, when she tried to kick me out of her life a couple weeks after it happened, I guess I wanted to make sure that I knew what she needed. I paid close attention and realized that she felt so low about herself. She just needs to feel loved."

They quit talking for a while both lost in their own thoughts. I never realized Jay paid so much attention to me, he was wrong of course. I thought he was wrong, Dr. Aston would say differently, maybe we could both go see her and she can find out how much of a creeper my best friend is. The thought made me smile. Knowing her, she would probably laugh and think it was just so adorable that my friend would do that for me. Traitors.

"I feel like you should be the one with my sister." Nate finally said after what felt like hours. "You know her so well, more about her then even I do. You are the perfect person for her."

"And I love her more than life itself. But I'm gay, there's nothing I can do to change that. And if there was any chance that I could change, she would be the first person I would go to."

"You are way too good for this family." Nate laughed.

"I'm way too good for you, Chelsea....She's way too good for all of us."

I finally fell asleep thinking about how I ended up with the best friend in the whole world. I really didn't deserve him in my life. I brought down everyone who came around and yet Jay was always there, by my side no matter what. He was more than any girl or guy could ask for.

I woke up hours later in the drive way at Devon's house. New York was my favorite place to be and being back brought all these memories, some horrific but most of them so good.