Once Upon A Time ✓

05 | insane; wake

^ above is Monsters by Katie Sky

this chapter is still in reality, not dreamland :)

also, i added in a reference to my usage of prompt 4 in this chapter, so comment when you find it!

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I GAPED AT this ridiculous boy. He wanted help from me, to teach him how to kill himself?

"You're insane," I breathed out in utter shock through my parted lips. "Why would you ask me to teach you how to... die?"

Gabriel shrugged nonchalantly, as if his request wasn't odd at all. "I mean, I know you have depression and that you've self-harmed before," he replied, nodding at the bandages on my arm. I instinctively curled my arm towards my chest, cradling it. "I thought you'd be the best to ask because nobody ever confronts you about it. If I did it, everyone would start questioning and show pity on me." An unknown emotion flashed in his eyes.

My mouth went dry. Just thinking of the mere thought itself felt wrong for some reason. "Because you're popular?" I spat, not because I was angry at him, but because I felt disgusted that this was how people saw things. They notice and shine love on the popular, but ignore the quiet sufferers. It didn't matter if it was his own words, because even then I knew he only spoke the truth.

His lips curled down into a sour frown, as if he understood where my train of thoughts was going. "Unfortunately."

There was a moment of silence between us where neither of us spoke. An idea popped into my mind, but I felt too conflicted about whether I should voice it out. It was an odd request, but possibly one that would serve our mental health good.

Finally deciding to voice out my opinion, my words shot out, "Let's make a deal. If you don't self-harm, I won't either. If you don't try to kill yourself, I won't either."

Gabriel looked confused, emotions raging in his eyes. "Why should I agree to that?"

I hesitated. "You said earlier that you didn't want to see me hurt myself. If you agree to this, I won't do it, okay?"

"How do you benefit from this though? Don't you like... hurting yourself?" Gabriel blurted.

I froze, feeling awkwarded by what he said. It was true, I did enjoy it to some extent. I enjoyed every moment of it, sort of - my mind hazy, my skin burning and wound oozing with dark red liquid. It was the only way I knew to be whole again after all the tragic events in my life.

But it was bad for me, even I knew that. I always tried curbing it physically, but that didn't mean that I was able to do it mentally.

Running a hand up and down my arm, I attempted to calm my raging goosebumps. My eyes flickered up to meet his for a fleeting second, before moving back to the floor. With slight hesitation, I braced myself.

"Let's just say... this may be the best route I have to recovery at the moment," I replied and paused. It was true though, I really wanted to recover, mentally, but there had been nothing to push me towards that goal. Maybe this would help. "Do you not want to see me stop hurting myself?"

His fists kept clenching and unclenching, his green eyes swirling with mixed emotions. He looked conflicted, as if he couldn't choose between the freedom to hurt himself or the safety of knowing that I wouldn't hurt myself. It was sort of ironic really, how he wanted me to stop when he couldn't do it himself.

I decided to push for his decision. "Unless you want me to-"

"No!" he exclaimed, stunning both me and himself.