Hanbin fanfic: Struggles of liking you

~Love is like a rose with thorns~

For days, months I have trained myself to close the lid.
The lid which opens to my deepest feelings for Hanbin.

Through the time I was apart from him, I've learned to live a life without missing him.

Sure, I must admit it was slightly boring to live a life without Hanbin but at least I feel no more pain.

Whenever I see him, I don't have these weird feeling in my stomach anymore. I don't have the desire to run my arms around his waist and just keep him there.
I no longer feel hurt when he mentions about Chae young.

Slowly I allowed myself to let go. To let go of my feelings.
To let go of Hanbin.

But somewhere deep in my mind, there is this gnawing fear; that somehow my plan would be ruined with an event.

I dread that moment when I return back to square one.
I don't want to return back to where I began this painful journey.

My worries started to fade when soon a month and then a year passed.

However nothing lasts forever。

- - - - - - - - -

I was in my studio working on a new song.
I was sitting on my chair trying to think of a new concept for my upcoming album.

As I leaned back on my chair, a memory flashed across my mind.
A memory that was bittersweet.
A memory that had Hanbin in it.
I decided to draw out my feelings from the memory into pen and paper.

title: you, the one I loved.

the smile, the frown, the laugh, the grin, the tears, the cologne,
the things I treasure the most.

my hands stopped after i wrote that line of lyrics.
I didn't like the way it turned out. The paper became a scrunched ball and was thrown into the bin.
A sigh came out of my mouth.

I was tired, exhausted to say the least.
my stomach was beckoning me to fill it up with food.
I soon found myself leaving the building and heading towards my favourite chicken and beer shop.

As I sat down on the table, my phone started buzzing.
My eyes widened at the callers ID, it was Hanbin.

" hello?"
Silence.

"Hanbin?"
A muffled sniff.
" Hayi-ah, I want to talk, can you come over?"

I could sense sadness and despair pouring out of his voice.
"Where are you?"

"The park."

My eyebrows furrowed into a frown.
"YA! Hanbin, specify what park."

"The park near our company,"

With hearing that, you quickly ended the call, paid the bill and rushed over to Hanbin.

I have arrived at the park. The cold
night breeze came upon me, I shivered and wrapped my arms around my chest. As I approached the entrance, I could barely make out a silhouette behind a tree.
I slowly made my way to it.

I knew it was Hanbin with the way he gently slouched and leaned against the tree. The way he had his beanie on the side of his head, only covering one ear. These were all distinctive features of Hanbin that I have once loved and learned to let go.

"Hey,"
He didn't bother looking up, he just muffled a hi back.
Something big happened. I could sense it. I had a slight idea of what it could possibly be but I didn't dare wish it to be true.

"Hanbin, what's wrong?"

He shook his head. His hands were clenched in a fist.
This scene was too familiar. It reminded back to his first break up with Chae- young.
The fist, his attempt to holdback his tears.

"Hanbin, tell me what's wrong,"

He didn't answer.
Fury boiled inside me, I tried to swallow it down. Patience was needed, and to be truthful I have been lacking some of this lately.

"Hanbin, you called me over to talk. I ditched my dinner for this. Can you tell me what happened?"

He slowly lifted his head till his watery eyes met with mines.
I felt the insides of my body twist into tight knots.
I placed my hands onto his arm.
"Hanbin, please tell me what happened, I am worried about you,"

He let out a sigh.
"Nothing lasts forever ay? When you have something for too long, you begin to take it for granted and when you lose it, you mourn for your loss. Stupid. Pretty stupid really,"

Hanbin's reply did not make any sense to me but I allowed him to continue.
" I messed up, Hayi and now I'm paying the price. She is gone. She won't come back anymore,"

His head burrowed itself onto my chest.
He let out a soft cry, I rubbed my hand on his back, trying to comfort him.
I didn't reply. I didn't say anything because I understood now.

Was I happy? Sad? Angry?

I'm not sure.
I was numb all over.
I was shocked, surprised.
I didn't expect any of this.

Hanbin began to start talking again
, " Hayi-ah, I didn't know loving someone can hurt so much,"

I gently rubbed his back and hugged him.
"It's okay, sometimes things that are the most beautiful can turn out to be the only thing that is capable of hurting you. Just like a rose. A rose is beautiful but once you get too near it will hurt you."

I slowly released myself from the embrace. I placed my hand on his shoulder.
" Hanbin look at me,"

He slowly made his eyes towards mines.

"Sometimes everyone at some point will suffer a loss. It's your desert experience- a time of feeling barren of options and even hope. The important thing is not to allow yourself to be stranded in the desert. Get yourself up.
It will hurt, you may fail, but remember I am here for you, I will unconditionally support you through this journey of yours,"

I offered a comforting smile hoping it could help Hanbin.

He returned the smile and gave me one last hug.
He propped his head on my shoulder.
"Hayi, thank you. I honestly don't know what I will do if you weren't here,"

I smiled.
"It's okay Hanbin, I'm here. For you. Forever and always."
------
Hello HANBIN AND IKON STANS
I really am sorry for my extremely delayed update.
I not only have been suffering from a writers block but also school has kept me away from writing.
Once again I am extremely sorry and I am striving towards updating more frequently.
Anyways back to this story, at first I was planning to write this from Lee hi's perspective of CHAEYOUNG and HANBIN's relationship, which is the basis of my other fanfic converging fate.
However now I have decided to break free from converging fate and write with no more relations to the other fanfic. So yeah... If you are confused don't worry hahaha

ALSO IMPORTANT QUESTION, are you guys after a happy or sad ending between Lee hi and Hanbin ???
because I was made to know that some of my readers despised the solemn ending of converging fate and some even requested a happier ending HUEHUE
But I just want to know what you guys want, tell me in the comments below and of course don't forget to vote this chapter and I will hopefully return with a better update !!!

ARITHA xoxox