Found (a jamilton fanfiction) [COMPLETED]

Chapter Fifteen- The Nightmare

**TRIGGER WARNING**
This chapter has mentions and scenes of self harm.

Alexander's POV
Alex was standing in the kitchen, furiously mixing a bowl of cake batter. It was janes birthday and he wanted to contribute in as much of a way as he could. He was so focused on the batter that he didn't even notice the person coming up behind him.
Thomas had put his head close to his and whispered in his ear.
"Boo."
Alex jumped and splattered some of the cake batter on himself. "Thomas! Why'd you do that..?"
He picked up a napkin and started to wipe off the batter.
"I did it because I can." Thomas was doubled over in laughter.
"That doesn't mean its right." He crossed his arms and frowned.
"Im.. Sorry" he said in between breaths.
Alex turned back to the bowl and began to pour it into the cake pan.
"You know, I actually have to talk to you about something."
He raised and eyebrow. "Just let me put this in the oven real quick. The cake needs to be done in a few hours."

Alex and thomas were seated on the couch. Alex's hands were folded in his lap. He was making eye contact with Thomas and he could tell that something was wrong.
"What did you want to talk about..?"
Thomas looked away from him. "I.. I need to tell you something.."
He placed a hand on the man's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.  "Its alright.. You can tell me."
Thomas sighed. "I... I found something in my office that made me think.." He paused. "I can't be around you anymore.."
Alex's eyes widened. "What do you mean can't be around?"
"You're making me go insane. I can't go a single day without.. Thinking.. About you. I need some time to cool down and sort out my thoughts.."
Tears threatened to flood over the smaller man's eyes. "W-why..? I-" his voice caught in his throat. "You know what... Nevermind."
He stood up and began to walk away.
"Alex.. I'm sorry. I-"
"No. I'll just leave."
Before waiting for a reply, alexander went into his bedroom to grab his stuff. As he was about to leave, his eye caught sight of a small black object. He went over to it. His breath hitched as he realized what the object was.
It was a small black satin bag. He grabbed the bag without thinking. He rushed out of the house and ran.
He didn't know where he was running. He just had to. He had to get somewhere.

After running for what felt like forever, Alex collapsed in an alleyway between a few houses. He had no idea where he had ended up.
It took him a few minutes to catch his breath. When he did though, he broke down. He was sobbing loud enough to cause a few dogs to bark. He was curled up in a ball when his hand brushed against his arm. He absentmindedly grabbed his silk bag and opened it.
Inside lay a collection of razors, all still sharp enough to cut carrots with.
He took one of the razors and stared at it. He stared at it for a long time before lifting up his other arm.
His breathing began to quicken as he sat there. He needed, no, wanted to do it so badly. He knew he would probably die if he did though.
"Maybe I should do it. It would make everyone happy. Thomas wouldn't have to deal with me anymore with his... Feelings towards me." He said out loud.
The world began to blur around him, the only scene in focus being the razor and his arm.
He brought the razor to his already scarred skin. He began to apply pressure, grunting out in pain before it finally broke skin.

Alex awoke with a jolt. He could feel his heart beating fast and it was hard to breathe. His face was wet as well. He had been crying.
He let out a quiet sob and held his arms against his chest. He kept muttering to himself.
"No. No. I didn't mean it. No no no no.."
He repeated this multiple times before the figure next to him stirred.

Thomas's POV
Thomas awoke to the sounds of sobs and muttering. He yawned before opening his eyes, thinking it must be the TV.
When he realized it wasn't he shot up.
"Alex.. Alex! Are you alright?" He shook the shorter man gently, trying to get his attention.
"No.. No no no no no.. I didn't mean..i couldn't help it."
"What..?" He looked around, not seeing anything broken. His gaze then returned to alex.
He was trying to figure out how to help him when a little face popped into the room. It was Rae.
She noticed Alex and decided not to say anything. She did, however, point to her arms and mouth the word 'blood'.
That was when Thomas noticed the blood seeping through Alex's sweater.
He pulled him into his lap and wrapped his arms around the sobbing man.
"Alex... Its alright. You didn't do anything wrong. You did nothing wrong.." He continued whispering calming phrases as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"I.. I didn't mean too.. I was upset.. I.." Alex was shaking. "It was too much.."
Thomas felt his heart drop in his stomach. "Tell me what happened."
Thomas then picked up Alex and carried him to the bathroom. "Tell me what happened. I promise, it'll help.
Alex nodded before jumping into his story. He was way calmer than he had been in the beginning and was no longer crying.
"We.. I was baking a cake for your mom and.. And then you scared me and everything was fine. Then you saud you needed to talk to me and.. And you said you didn't want to see me. You said that I was making you insane because you constantly thought about me. I got really upset and ended up leaving." He paused.
While he was talking, I pulled his sweater off and examined his arms. There were no new cuts, but the ones that had scabbed over had been scratched or rubbed off. That's why there was blood.
"What happened after that..?"
Alex took a deep breath before continuing. "I ran as far away as I could... I just couldn't help it.. I.. I stopped in an alleyway and I.. I started to c-" he wasn't able to finish his sentence, but thomas knew what he meant.
"You don't have to say it. I know what you mean."
Thomas bandaged up alexander's arms again and then carried him to his room.
"Here... You should at least try to sleep for a little bit." He set alexander on the bed and covered him with the blanket.
"I.. I don't want to be alone.." Alex whispered.
Thomas nodded. He laid down next to Alex and wrapped his arms around him supportingly. He would do anything to keep Alex happy. As alex drifted off, Thomas hesitatingly kissed the top of his head.
"I'll always be here.."

I hope y'all enjoyed the chapter!

Also, this chapter sucked in my opinion buuut ya know, bad days happen.

Anyways
I hope y'all have a good day
Stay safe
-Angel 💙💙