Tales from the lost journal (General Grievous x Reader)

Entry Number 9: Nothing Like Them

It had been about 3 hours since (Y/N)'s life had taken a completely unexpected turn. They had been offered a nice room inside Count Dooku's luxurious mansion and were now slowly getting accustomed to their new environment. The rain was still pouring down relatively hard, covering the land in a wet fog, but not so thick as for one not to be able to see beyond the vicinity. Small raindrops were hitting the massive window of their room ever so gently, giving the new situation a more pleasant and calming ambiance, accompanied by the occasional crackling of thunder and the lightning  illuminating their surroundings briefly. They had already taken their belongings out and organized them accordingly, however, leaving their more secret attire in their bag and hiding said bag behind a bookshelf. 

Taking a stroll through the significantly larger room than their previous one, they took in the newly-found peace, no more distant sounds of constant arguing, no more dumb political dinner and extravagant dresscodes. They smiled to themselves while admiring the view from outside, a breathtaking view expanding beyond the cliffside that the mansion was on. Exhausted, (Y/N) plopped on their bed face first into the sheets, they had a radically different smell from the ones they had become accustomed to. They turned their head to face their night table and the small book and pen laying on it. With a sigh, they shoved themselves up, lazily taking the journal and opening it on the last entry.

"February 10th, 1988.

My whole life I had felt like a pawn in somebody else's game. Constantly pushed around and moved for the player's convenience. A simple puppet attached by strings I couldn't cut.

And here I stand now, at a crossroads: Train with Count Dooku into becoming Sith but be subject to radical changes of both mind and body...or turn around and stoop down to my previous life, directed around by people who only concern themselves with their own image.

Truth be told, I've never really regarded myself as something more than a worthless worm, aimlessly crawling around in the mud, waiting for some other animal to eat them. I never quite saw myself as someone who would be destined for greater things, which is why I recklessly jumped into the General's battles once I had the chance. It was a way for me to fulfill my need to live my life somehow, even if it was dangerous and uncalculated. Now I am left with the most powerful desire to try and do my best in this very new situation, yet my deep fears of failure still follow me everywhere I go, haunting my every step.

I will try my best."

With that, (Y/N) closed their journal and put it to the side, shifting around in their bed to, once again, face the large window. It felt nice to see something else than their caretakers' garden for a change, so much so that they couldn't tear their eyes away from it, even when they felt heavy with exhaustion. They had slowly drifted away into unconsciousness.

The sun was beginning to shine through the great mountains of Serenno, signalling the start of a new day, and into (Y/N)'s room, hitting them directly in the face. They frowned at the new source of light and got up from the now wrinkled-up sheets. Their bed was a fine mess of torn off petals, flowers and small branches, scattered across the floor as well. Exhaling and bracing themselves for the day that was to come, they stood and began picking the little bits of plague that had fallen off of them during their sleep, it was still a pretty unnerving sight, even after all those years, a feeling which (Y/N) had to shove away, to the very back of their mind to avoid it doing even more damage to their brain. Most creatures that got sick from the Golden Tree met an early end solely because of how much they pondered over it, allowing the disease to spread and take over their minds, so, in a way, (Y/N) was one of the few who had managed to survive the neverending torment.