Tales from the lost journal (General Grievous x Reader)

Entry Number 10: The Lightsaber

"No, no, no, no, what have I done?!" The door slammed shut, letting out a loud bang that echoed throughout the glorious halls of the mansion. Count Dooku was away, attending a formal meeting with a few other Separatists so (Y/N) wasn't worried about his inquiring, not that making loud noises even began to take up the smallest amount of their current worries. They were breathing heavily, expanding their chest as far as it could go, face buried deep into their bloody hands, although mostly dry, some of the thicker patches of crimson had managed to find their way onto (Y/N)'s pale face. They had their back firmly pressed against the door, as if some vile creature was clawing their way in, desperate to end their life. They exhaled, slowly sliding downwards with their back pinning the door still, coughing as the world around em had begun to spin, curled up in a ball of pure panic, they whimpered to themselves:

"What am I to do...The way he looked at me...Now he knows for sure." Came their weak voice accompanied by a small bang sound piercing into the wooden structure. (Y/N) hit the back side of their head against it.

"Randomly jumping into his battles all those months ago, what was I thinking?! People get killed for less, he would be in the right to beat and torture me for it, for messing up his schemes, for driving him to being punished by Dooku, I know he's angry with me, with what I've done, with the results reflecting poorly on his image and authority!" Another bang, however, this time a great deal more powerful than the last.

"Fantastic job, (Y/N), not only have you given away your puny little secret, you've also probably just made the only creature who's ever shared a glimpse of your thought process hate you for sabotaging his work." A steady row of powerful hits were now in full motion, for they had started banging their head against the door with every word they managed to get out. Their head ached, despite their soft hair managing to ease the impacts of their self-hatred, it ached with thoughts and worries, overpowering the physical pain that had slowly started to fade into a crawling sensation. They didn't care. Out of their skin erupted endless branches and vines, blooming with golden flowers before their sight, blurred by tears. Sniffling and looking at them, a sharp spear of anger impaled their still-beating heart, washing away any glimpse of rational thoughts left within them as they started violently tearing the branches out of their skin, ripping away entire patches of it and, sometimes, even muscle. They groaned in unfathomable agony, face wet with tears and displaying more anger than they ever had before and their calm demeanor completely evaporating with each branch, each vine, each flower dug out from the roots of their bleeding flesh, until nothing else but their weak and aching body remained and the metallic smell of fresh blood had begun to fill the air.

Stumbling into the bathroom, (Y/N) managed to turn the water on, slowly filling the tub, not caring that it was boiling hot, they simply sifted through their bag to find a lonely little box which had traces of moss and a few loose spider webs hanging from its' corners, the very same box that they had been hiding under the wooden planks from their room for nearly 6 years. Taking out a peculiar-looking vial filled to the brim with a shiny blue liquid that glistered into the light as if it was made out of the most select crystals, they inspected it. It didn't look like much, an ordinary object that one would most likely find among the many other forbidden items on the black market. (Y/N) bit the top of the cork which kept the sinister liquid away from contact with the outside world, jerking their head sideways to remove it before spitting it out on the floor and pouring the contents into the bathtub, now nearly full.

With yet another groan of agony, not seeming to realize the bloody mess that their body was still leaving behind, they removed their clothes violently, as though they were the source of their greatest pain and, not losing any time, dipped their body into the hot water, followed by a medium-pitched scream and the sounds of their teeth grinding against eachother for dear life. The pain was, all the same, perhaps their greatest energy consumer at the time given and (Y/N)'s head collapsed on the side of the marble tub, dragging their consciousness back into oblivion.