Promise

Chapter 4

It was a relief not to have Ricky follow me around all of the time, I had moments where I felt like I was being horrible to him, but then again I didn't want to ruin my chances of winning this show.

Backstage, before the show started, everyone was rushing around trying to get ready when I had ran into him. Without making eye contact, he mumbled sorry and walked away as fast as he could. I didn't think twice about it, I really didn't have time, I had too much to think about and remember. It did feel kind of strange though, not having Ricky there.

During my performance I kept glancing over at him, he never looked back at me once. Instead he looked at the same spot on the floor the entire time. It hurt a little, in a strange way. He looked stressed out, I didn't like seeing him like that, even if he irritated the hell out of me at times.

I felt so bad, it was my fault he was getting stressed out. I could tell. When I had finished he looked up and smiled weakly. I managed a quick smile back and saw the shocked expression on his face before getting ushered off stage and getting hugged by Kylie.

Ricky wasn't his normal self through the entire show. I so desperately wanted to talk to him about it but I didn't have free moment to do that. Even if I did, it needed to be somewhere out of the way of Kylie.

I have never felt so utterly useless before in my life. I needed to sort it out, I was the one who made this mess. I didn't know how to and the more I thought about it, the more stressed I became.

I had no one to talk to, it was a Saturday night, everyone would be out. To hell, even my parents rang me up to say that they were going out tonight. Kylie was out of the question. I couldn't trust anyone else, most of the people I met on the show I wasn't close enough to talk to them about it.

I looked over at the razors at the bedside table. I promised myself that I wouldn't do it again, but no one had to find out about it.