Pomegranate

Meredith - 7

"Hey!" Benji waved at her from a table for two at the back of the dining hall. Meredith made her way to him, balancing a plate of overcooked pasta with a burger.

"Sorry," she huffed as she sat down.

"It's all good."

"So, how are things?" She asked, diving into the food. "Sorry I didn't get back to you earlier. Things were a little busy."

"I get it. It's been busy for me, too," Benji said, something in his voice giving away what Meredith had forgotten to ask. What she had almost succeeding in forgetting about.

"Did you apply? For the program?"

"Oh, um. Yeah." Benji looked down. "My parents insisted. It doesn't mean that they'll take me. Or that I'll go."

"It doesn't sounds like you want to go," she said carefully.

She felt terrible. The only thing she had been thinking about the last few days was Seth. How she felt about him. How she felt about Benji. Not about what Benji had been going through.

"It could be a good opportunity. But I'm not sure. It's just...yeah. I don't know."

"Okay." Meredith reached out to touch his hand and squeezed it for a moment. It almost felt like an instinct, reaching out to him, although she knew better than to seek physical contact from him. This time, however, he held on. This time, Meredith felt tenderness and carefulness in his fingers.

Benji still looked down. Meredith wasn't sure what to make of it until he let her go and took his cup to sip on blue Gatorade.

"So, anyway." He cleared his throat. "How's your bunny child? Persephone?"

"Oh." She blinked. "We're actually putting her up to adoption."

"Really?" Benji's eyebrows touched in confusion. "I thought Seth would keep her."

"I did too. But he's right; she'll be happy somewhere else."

"I guess so," Benji said, then shrugged. "I got assigned a group project with him. But I guess now that you two won't be raising a bunny together you won't be spending that much time with him, right?"

Meredith chewed on her food more times than necessary. It hadn't been long, but she and Seth hadn't stopped texting each other. She had seen him every day for the past four days. Every time they had laughed, made out, made plans. He even mentioned checking out the vegetarian restaurant together. She wanted that, truly. She wanted him. She still wanted Benji too, though.

"Actually, Seth and I are kind of going out now," she tried to sound casual, playing with the tomato sauce on her plate.

"What do you mean, kind of going out?" Benji asked, holding his drink in the air mid-sip.

"Well, you know. We're hanging out and stuff. So you might see him around more often."

"Oh. Alright."

Meredith nodded awkwardly, and Benji did the same like they were birds communicating in a secret language. Corey had been right; she couldn't wait and agonize another day over Benji. She did like Seth, and she wanted to be with him. He wasn't Benji, but he was himself, and it wasn't a competition. She wanted something reciprocal, something real. Not measured affection and unrealistic expectations. 

She used to think she just wanted a response from Benji, even if he wasn't interested, so she could move on. But if he really wanted her like she wanted him, it would have happened by now. She loved Benji, but she was exhausted. She had tired herself out, wanting something he didn't want to offer her. It wasn't fair to either of them.

"I'm sure you two will get along," Meredith said suddenly, trying to make up for the silence. "Seriously, he's great. You'll see."

For a long time, he nodded at her in silence. Again, she couldn't read his expression.

"As long as you're happy," he finally said and tried to smile.

In his voice, Meredith could tell he meant it. How intent he sounded. But she could also see the disappointment behind his lips.