Pomegranate

Seth - 8

Except for responding to Meredith that yes, he had dropped off Benji at Strauss, Seth felt the need to keep some distance over the next couple of days. Finals were the following week, but he couldn't stop thinking about Meredith and Benji. He kept telling himself whatever he felt for Benji was a combination of friendship and need for having Benji's acceptance, and he was imagining things. 

But he had known other people on campus for much longer, or had spent more time with them, and never felt the need to justify himself like this. It was different. Seth just didn't want to admit it.

He wanted to avoid his room, but he was afraid of running into Meredith or Benji out there. He knew where they studied, where they hung out, where they got food. And none of those places were his room.

On hour three of his Skyrim marathon, his mom called. He had been dodging their calls for too long already, so he paused the game and picked up.

"Hi, mom."

"Honey, why don't you ever respond to our messages?"

Of course, this conversation started with criticism.

"Sorry."

"Your mother gets worried, you know this."

"Yeah. My bad. Classes have been crazy."

"Are they going okay? Are you getting good grades?"

"Jesus, yes. Do you want my report card or something?"

"Seth," Cara's tone sharpened.

"I'm nineteen, mom. I think I can attempt to be a functional adult without your supervision."

What a fucking lie.

"I don't like your tone," she said, more collected. "You know we just want to make sure you'll alright. You didn't even tell us about your allergic reaction and—"

"God, that was weeks ago. I'm fine. I just want to try and be an independent adult without you and mom and Camilla calling me every day."

"Well, we have a reason for concern. When your sister was in college we never, you know, got calls from hospitals and honor boards and—"

"Yeah, yeah, and Camilla went to Yale, and she had the best grades, and she got a Fullbright and she is perfect."

"Seth. That is not what I meant."

He wasn't sure where this was coming from. He never said things like this to his moms, much less in this tone. And he didn't think Camilla was perfect, much less held it against her.

Maybe it was cabin fever. Maybe it was the absence of Persephone. Maybe it was him, trying to jeopardize his relationship with Meredith and sabotage himself. Again.

"Can I call you later?" He sighed.

His mother hesitated, but to his surprise, she said in a soft tone, "Okay. Call me whenever. I love you."

If it was his mom Laurie, he would have been grounded instead. Cara was the one who tried to understand him and gave him space even after he was so rude to her.

Seth changed into real cold-outdoors clothes and left his room for the first time in two days. Thankfully, he didn't run into Meredith or Seth and kept his head down all the way to the woods and the creek.

 He sat on his rock and leaned against the rough bark. It hadn't snowed yet, but some leaves and rocks framing the creek were frosted with white. The grass crunched under his weight and the previously warm orange leaves were now filmy and moss-green or simply gone. He didn't know winter like this, and it hadn't even started snowing yet.

He wanted to find the same white noise comfort he usually got there, but it never came. Well, partially because he was freezing his ass off. Now, that place only reminded him of Persephone. Of how alone he felt when he first got to Bradwell. Of hiding from reality.

After ten minutes, Seth's nose became an icicle and he couldn't feel his face anymore. He got up, walking back slowly until the blood returned to his legs. As he walked past the red-brick residence hall, it occurred to him. Strauss. This was where Benji lived.

After spending two days avoiding Benji, he was standing in front of where he lived, wishing he would come outside. Or that he would go in, and knock on his door. He had never been inside his room, but he could picture it. Minimalistic. Grey and navy blue tones. Pressed shirts.

But it reminded of a room opposite to that: Meredith's. The lovely, holistic jungle of anarchy she created. Meredith, his girlfriend. Meredith, who he was in love with. Meredith, who he was so lucky to have in his life.

He continued walking past Strauss, until the red-brick building disappeared behind pine trees and other buildings and dorms, gradually vanishing every time Seth looked back.