Pomegranate

Benji - 2

When Benji returned to campus, the first thing he did was text Meredith. She had been radio silent the whole two weeks of break, having spent the holidays at her aunt's house, with no wifi and barely any reception. Benji knew she was already back on campus for her work training, and still, there was no reply.

Same for Seth. Benji was reluctant to message him at first, but he couldn't get that night and the party out of his head. After that, it had been finals week and he saw Seth only a couple of times, in passing. He acted normal enough, but it wasn't the same anymore. Something had shifted, and it was Benji's fault. Drunk, stupid Benji. 

He had texted Seth about a new band he thought he might like, and asked about his final grade in the class they had, and what was Seth taking next semester. He felt needy, but with every unanswered text, he grew more anxious, thinking that maybe he had severed his relationship with Seth. That maybe Seth was just quietly allowing whatever they had to die down with the lack of communication, and Benji kept hoping maybe Seth just didn't see the last text, or the one before that, and so forth. He was driving himself crazy.

At the end of the day, Meredith finally replied.

Hi! Sorry, I was swamped with training. How about I stop by later?

I'll be in the room, Benji typed back. Then decided to add a smiley face.

Before Meredith arrived, he re-organized his room, as if she was going to notice. He took out the Tupperware of cupcake-sized apple pies his mother made, which he knew Meredith loved. He stuffed his clothes inside the drawers. Finally, he hid new violin in the closet, inside a box with old books and binders.

Meredith knocked and came in before a reply, shaking the snowflakes off her hair. Her cheeks and nose were red from the cold, and she wore the scarf Benji gave her last Christmas, purple with gold threads. He always felt awkward giving gifts, but she had given him a pair of gloves, so it seemed more awkward if he didn't get her anything.

"Hi!" She dropped her bag on the floor and stepped in for a hug before removing her winter jacket. At this point in their friendship, Benji knew exactly how he and Meredith fit together. She would hug his neck, and he her middle, and she would touch his head briefly before letting go as if checking he was okay.

This time, however, she released him too fast, dropping her hands to remove the thick winter jacket. Benji's hands fell to his side awkwardly.

"I haven't seen you in so long — apple pies!" She breathed, grabbing a piece from the open Tupperware. "Sorry, I'm hungry. How are you?"

"Good, good." He nodded, sitting on the bed and crossing his legs. "How was your winter?"

"Oh, you know. Cabin house, ten days, no wifi, five siblings." She shrugged. "Made me question ever having children, I lost ten years of my lifespan, my acne is back. Basic stuff."

"Right." He laughed.

"So." She pulled his chair to sit down. "How is Lizzie? Still wreaking havoc in the pageant world?"

Benji hesitated, realizing he expected Meredith to sit with him on the bed, as she usually did. He blinked.

"Yeah, right. Um. She lost the Snow White pageant, and kicked the winner on the shins."

"That's my girl."

"Probably not a long-lasting pageant career there."

"Sign her up for karate." Meredith rubbed her hands together, flaking the crumbs from the apple pie.

"Speaking of which, what about the new season of American Ninja Warrior?" He asked, pulling his laptop case from the case. "Or did you want to catch up on the latest of 90 Day Fiance?"

"Right, um," she cleared her throat, rubbing her hands on her legs. "Actually, I was planning on meeting up with Seth later tonight. We just...have some stuff to talk about and all."

"Oh." Benji didn't want the disappointment to reach his voice, but another thought came to his mind. Maybe Seth and Meredith were going to break up? Benji wasn't sure if that made him feel relieved or anxious.

"Is everything alright? With you guys?"

"Yeah, yeah." She nodded, a little too much. "I just haven't seen him in a while and he's..." She trailed off.

"Your boyfriend."

"Yeah." Meredith blinked. "I mean, yeah."

"It's okay. I get it."

"That doesn't mean we can't hang out for a while, though." Meredith smiled, more like she was forcing the conversation to resume its original course. "How about an episode of 90 Day Fiancé?"

Benji moved to the side of his mattress. Meredith turned her chair and propped her elbows on the bed, her chin resting on her forearms. Benji wondered why she didn't sit next to him in the bed. He cleared his throat and set the laptop on the bed, where they could both see.

Meredith's eyes were glued to the screen, offering comments every few minutes, per usual. To outside people, it could look like their friendship was limited to reality TV. But it was during the long TV marathons that they really talked. Meredith would point out the awkward meeting between the couple and the parents in 90 Day Fiancé, and ask Benji how things were at home. Or Benji would mention how one of the competitors in MasterChef  was so arrogant and asked how her classes were going. It was strange, but Benji felt more comfortable sharing like this. It made him more open to talking knowing he wasn't the sole focus of a conversation, like the TV shows mediated their interaction. 

Meredith kept asking questions about break, but Benji felt more closed up than usual this time. He looked at the screen, not really paying attention. Something nudged at his brain; Meredith's distance, Seth's unanswered texts, Benji laying in bed the night of that party hoping he hadn't messed things up, knowing that he had, he must have. His desperate and drunk messages to Meredith, once again asking her to forgive him and how much she mattered in his life.

After the episode was over, Meredith checked her watch and started putting her jacket on.

"We'll catch up later?" Benji asked, slipping out of bed. He hated the fragile tone of his voice.

"Yeah, of course."

"Cool."

Meredith picked up her backpack and looked at him, sighing. Something softened in her expression, and she started chipping her nail polish.

"You know you'll be my friend no matter what, right?"

"....Sure." Benji raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, it's not because I have a boyfriend that I'm like, dropping you. You know that, right?"

"Where is this coming from? Are the two of you eloping or something?" He poked, coaxing Meredith to lose her serious tone. It made him nervous.

"I mean it," she insisted and briefly hugged him. One-armed, chin resting on his shoulder. She pushed away, finally curving the corner of her lips. "Don't worry. If I was eloping, you'd definitely be my witness."

"Corey would be pissed."

Meredith laughed. Before she closed the door behind her, Benji called out. "Say hi to Seth for me."

He wasn't sure why he did it. Meredith looked back at him, and although she smiled, it felt strained.