(no customers at the Krusty Krab as Mr Krabs is holding a FREE sign for the salad bar, Squidward is reading a ballet magazine, and SpongeBob is wiping dust off tables)
Mr Krabs: I just don't get it. If a free salad bar doesn't bring in customers, what will?! (Squidward is dancing) Squidward!
Squidward: Yes, sir?
Mr Krabs: There's gonna be some changes around here. (customer walks in. Mr Krabs gasps) A customer! Welcome to the Krusty Krab! (runs up to the customer with a chair and seats him. Brings him back to the table) SpongeBob, cater to his every whim. And don't screw this one up.
SpongeBob: Aye aye sir! Welcome aboard, sir! Here at the Krusty Krab, (you) are the captain, and I, a mere cabin boy. You just say the word and I will throw myself in the brig! May I take your order?
Customer: All I wanted was change for the pay phone. (shows the dollar)
SpongeBob: Aye aye sir! (runs off quickly and comes back with change) Monsieur's changé.
Customer: Thanks. (laughs nervously and leaves a penny on the table) Here you go. (runs off as Mr Krabs smells the penny and jumps on it. Later, we are in Mr Krabs office with Squidward and SpongeBob)
Mr Krabs: Now as you may have noticed, profits are way down this month. (pulls down a chart with zig-zag linges going down and his eyes sticking out on each side) We've got to think of a gimmick to bring in customers. (pulls the chart up) Do you lubbers have any ideas?
SpongeBob: I've got one! (takes out a tray with a soda and a pair of socks on it) A free pair of socks with every purchase! Or maybe 'Double Patty Midnight Madness'! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! I know! I know! I know! How about 'mouth full of clams' day! Everyone who shows up with a mouthful of clams... (talks with mouth full of clams) ...gets a free drink! Huh? Huh?
Mr Krabs: Well, uhh, I was thinking more along the lines of live entertainment. (Squidward gasps)
Squidward: That's it, a floor show! Wait, a talent show! With your host me! (runs up to Mr Krabs with stars in his eyes) This is the moment I've...I mean, we've been dreaming of. Think of it, Mr Krabs, you will be responsible for bringing culture to this cultural wasteland we call Bikini Bottom! And not to mention, the money.
Mr Krabs: The money? (Squidward lying on the table)
Squidward: And I can see it now...your daughter Pearl, her name up in lights.
Mr Krabs: (Mr Krabs looks at his picture of him and Pearl) Little Pearly...a star?
SpongeBob: Hoppin' clams! A talent show! I'm talented! I'd better call my folks! (runs off as Squidward and Mr Krabs shake hands)
Mr Krabs: Squidward, you've got a deal. Make my little girl a star! (later, the restaurant is being redecorated for the show)
SpongeBob: Hey Squidward, what time am I going on?
Squidward: Going on what?
SpongeBob: The show! When am I going on the show? I have a great act!
Squidward: What talent could you possibly possess? (SpongeBob blows a big bubble which turns into a hippo. Then blows two small bubbles for the hat and cane. Both dance)
SpongeBob: Ta-da! (Squidward yawns)
Squidward: No one, not even your parents, would want to see that. (hippo bubble pops) What the people want is culture, not dancing bubbles.
SpongeBob: Ok, I get it. Don't worry, Squidward, I'm going to come up with the most cultured act ever!
Squidward: I can hardly wait. (SpongeBob runs off) Phew. The only culture that guy has is in his tennis shoes. (laughs) Tennis shoes. I crack myself up. (now the night of the talent show where people are outside conducting interviews and people inside are talking and getting set-up)
