Dear BTS
My mom compares me to a character in a cartoon we've watched. She's a rather violent and sarcastic person who is more likely to yell obscenities than cheer you on. She's not someone who cares about boys. Suddenly, there's this boy band and she really likes one of the members, but she doesn't really understand how to feel. In the end, her sister helps her sneak onto the tour bus and she slaps him.
Sometimes I feel like that, of course, I'm not going to slap anyone. However, I never cared about the faces of men until you came into my life. Why does my heart feel this way? Why do I think you're all so beautiful? Why do I want you to take selfies of you smiling more often? Why do I want to see you interact with ARMY and watch your live in concert bapsae?
I know it's not wrong but sometimes I feel weird about liking you this way, particularly the fact I'm only three years younger than Jung-kook.
I don't find anything wrong with age differences but I know that some people do and that tends to have an effect on me. I start feeling self-conscious by what others think and it becomes something that I feel like I'm getting in trouble for. I don't always like living in America. Sometimes living where I do, I feel wrong for being me.
I'm only half Asian but I don't like to identify as the other half(American). My family comes from a country where arranged marriages and large age gaps are commonplace. We have a status symbol that could be attached to the name, but that's all I really have is a name. Should I one day ask my grandmother, I could get a very rich husband, but I don't need that. It's one of those things that I can have but I don't want it.
I got this far into college, romance of any kind can wait. I'll just look at your beautiful faces if I ever get sad that I'm single. I couldn't even type that without laughing. This is why I didn't get along with girls in school. They liked boys too much. I can satisfy the boy craze by just finding pictures of attractive guys online. "Okay, [insert male anime/game character] make a cute face. Alright, no longer sad about being lonely, see you tomorrow." And I'm done.
I am ridiculous I am actively aware of that.
This isn't me liking any of you romantically. This is just liking the idea of you. The you that you present to fans on stage and on camera. It's just that what you present on stage is something great.
S.E.
