Dear BTS
00:00 and My Time. I was feeling it yesterday.
I don't like talking about my feelings, however, I know that I need to. It took a lot of confidence for me to decide to make this public. My childhood was not a normal one and it messed me up and I have yet to overcome how I feel.
It was months ago when I learned when you debuted. At first, I just thought about how your career started when I was going nowhere. And then you watched it now that you're older. And then I remembered. Debut days are the worst days in an Idol's career. You guys starved, as far as you said, in 2013. It doesn't help that with some research, that time is June.
June 2013, to me, is the peak at which my life sucked. Now sometimes I listen to your music and I look at you and that's all I think about. We starved with you, it's just nobody knows. And that is why I never knew about you. I fell into Kpop maybe a month later, starting with Girls Generation.
That is pretty much all I remember of that time period. In 2015 I realized I had been doing that for my entire life. There are empty spaces in my memory not because I was young and didn't remember much but because I must have deemed those memories as things that shouldn't be remembered. So, mind dumping to the extreme with sadness slipped in between.
I still have to deal with the person who caused this, and perhaps I'll talk about that another time, but the fact that this person steps back into our lives, my life, makes healing very difficult.
Bangtan, you have become a constant reminder of this time in my life but I won't let this affect me being a fan. You make me happier more than you bring back painful memories. And for that, I can't thank you enough. Your music, your smiles, how much you care for your fans, it's important to me.
With bittersweetness,
S.E.
