Secrets and Camera Flashes

Chapter 15

Once again, Castiel is forced into going to the after-party. He really has no desire to be here, but he doesn't have much choice in the matter. People want pictures, and he has to give them to them. Plus, he's supposed to hang out with Jo, making their sudden start of a relationship soon less of a shock.

But, to his surprise, it's Dean who comes to find him instead. Why does the guy insist on talking to him all the time? So what if Castiel decided to hang out with him that one time? He'd had a beer, and it threw him off, but that doesn't mean he has any desire to talk now. Why can't he just pretend to be straight in peace?

But he obviously can't say any of that, so he fakes a smile and says, "Hi, Dean."

"Hey," Dean says. He gestures with his beer bottle to Castiel's plastic cup. "I have to ask. Whatcha drinking?"

"Fruit punch," Castiel replies, confused. He's not sure why Dean cares, but he's even more curious as to why it's apparently the first thing on his mind.

"I figured it was something like that," Dean says. "It's not even the alcoholic fruit punch, is it?"

"Um... no?"

"Of course not," Dean says. "Come on, man, loosen up a little. We're at a party for your movie, and you're just standing by the punch all alone."

"I don't have anyone to talk to, though." He barely knows anyone here. It's mostly cast and crew and their friends, and a few other celebrities made the cut, but none that he knows.

"I don't understand how you get through life without talking to anyone," Dean remarks.

"I do talk to people," Castiel protests. He was just talking to Charlie on the ride over here.

"The fact that you've been standing next to the fruit punch all night begs to differ," Dean says.

"Well, none of my friends are here," Castiel says, though "none of" really just means that Charlie isn't here.

"You know you can invite friends, right?" Dean says.

"I know, but..." How does he explain that Charlie is petrified of the spotlight? She's a high school dropout and a hacker. The general public would tear her apart. And that's not even mentioning her sexuality, and homophobes are not a foe worth fighting. No, they'd both rather she stay out of the public eye and away from the scrutiny that comes with it.

"But what?" Dean asks. "I mean, personally, I would love to see what kind of people you hang out with."

Castiel scoffs. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, you clearly don't like people like me and Jo, and I'd like to think we're fairly normal people," Dean says. "So what's your idea of a good friend?"

"I don't not like you and Jo," Castiel says, surprised he would even say that. Does it sound like he doesn't like them? He didn't mean to give that impression.

"Well, you kinda ignore us unless we drag you into a conversation," Dean reminds him. "Which, I mean, you do you. No hard feelings or anything. Just, good luck with your fake dating."

"Do I ignore you?" Castiel flashes through all their run ins in his mind. He doesn't ignore them, right? He doesn't think he does. But maybe he does. Maybe that's how everyone feels, just because he's quiet. Oh, man, that sucks. He didn't realize that. No one's ever been this real with him — which it's starting to look like may be because they don't like him because they think he doesn't like them. Well, shit. That wasn't the plan at all.

Dean seems just as confused. "Are you actually asking that? Because I was pretty sure you do, but now you're making me question it."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Castiel says. "I don't try to ignore you. I actually think you're pretty cool." Realizing that that sounds Too Homo™ for his closeted ass, he adds, "And so is Jo, and both your families. I'm sorry if that got lost in translation."

"No, no, it's all good," Dean says. "You do have other friends, though, right? Like, closer friends?"

"Of course," Castiel says. "I do occasionally find people I can carry a conversation with. It's just a rare occurrence." Dean was one of those people, but that doesn't really count because he was a little drunk at the time.

"And what are they like?" Dean asks. "What is your ideal friendship?"

"My ideal friendship is with someone I've known for a long time and don't have to worry about starting a friendship with," Castiel says.

"You know, that kinda sounded like a joke, but it actually explains a lot," Dean says. "I don't blame you, though. Making friends with celebrities sucks because you never know if they're just going for publicity, and making friends with normal people suck because they would 100 percent attack you if they had the chance."

Castiel chuckles. "My thoughts exactly."

"If it's any consolation," Dean says, "you know I'm not trying to be your friend to use you for popularity, because I'm already scheduled to talk shit about you pretty soon."

"Speaking of," Castiel says, which may or may not be his way of changing the subject because he doesn't want to admit that he doesn't want to hang out with Dean because he's afraid he'll accidentally out himself in a moment of full homo, "I heard you finally announced a new album."

"First single comes out next Thursday-slash-Friday at midnight Eastern Standard Time," Dean says with a grin. "And no other big names have announced anything, so I'm definitely on track for a top 10 hit."

"Top 10?" Castiel repeats. "That's it?"

"I mean, hopefully I'll be able to crack the top five, but I don't want to get my hopes up," he says.

"Will I be allowed to publicly cheer for you, or am I supposed to have already stolen your girlfriend by then?"

Dean chuckles. "I can't believe that's an actual sentence that makes sense. My first promo interview airs that Friday night so we're filming in a few days, so I'll probably shit talk you then. Probably best to not play friends after today."

"What, am I supposed to steal your girl tonight?" Castiel asks, confused. He was never given a timeframe for this — or, if he was, he didn't pay attention to it, which is entirely possible. He didn't realize it was going down tonight.

"I don't know," Dean says. "I didn't pay attention to any of this. All I know is I'm moving out of Jo's place in a few days, and then talking shit about you and her for the rest of eternity."

Castiel can't help but smile at that. "Well, that makes two of us — about the not paying attention, I mean. I don't think I have to talk shit about you."

"What do you mean 'have to'?" Dean asks. "Are you kidding? A free pass to be as much of an asshole as you want, and no one can judge you because it's a bitter feud born from a love triangle. This is the Hunger Games, Cas, and I know I'm gonna win, but I'd like to at least get a fight out of it."

Castiel chuckles. "I don't know. Maybe. I try not to get involved in drama, though."

"This isn't drama, man, this is your life."

"It's my fake life," Castiel says. "It doesn't hit as hard as real life."

"Oh, come on, Cas," Dean says teasingly. "You're an actor. Act it up!"

"And, clearly, you're not an actor, or you'd know that overacting is a thing," Castiel says. "I'm content sitting this one out, but you can take as many shots at me as you want." Just don't call me Cas, because that is incredibly hot and I hate it.