Secrets and Camera Flashes

Chapter 48

At this point, most people have put on their pajamas and are mentally preparing themselves to go to bed. Looking around, Castiel starts to think he's the only one still wearing the clothes he's worn all day. He could go put his pajamas on -- it's just sweatpants and a tee-shirt; it's not like they're embarrassing or anything -- but his bags are still in Jo's room. He can't just walk into her room without asking, but he doesn't really want to bother her, either.

"I think I'm going to head to bed," Ash says, which results in just about everyone saying the same.

"Speaking of going to bed," Charlie says to no one in particular, "where am I sleeping tonight?" She looks up at Castiel, but when he just shrugs, she looks over at Dean and Jo for an answer.

"Oh, we were thinking that you could have the couch and Dean could have the floor out here," Jo says, "and then Cas can sleep in my room."

"Cool beans," Charlie says with a grin.

Castiel frowns. Who is this "we" and why was he not included in the conversation? He doesn't want to share a bed with Jo. He's nowhere near comfortable enough around her to fall asleep just a few feet away from her like that.

"Or maybe the beans aren't that cool," Charlie says, eyeing Castiel's expression.

"Does... does that not work?" Jo asks. "I guess I probably should have asked before you guys got here, but..."

"No, I just..." Castiel pauses. He was going to reassure her that it's fine just because he doesn't want to cause problems, but the more he thinks about it, the more uncomfortable he becomes. He wouldn't survive the night, never mind surviving the next few nights. He might as well tell her now so he doesn't keep her up all night trying to pretend he's anywhere else. "I can actually take the floor. You and Dean can share the bed."

"You don't have to do that," Dean protests. "I've slept on many a floor in my life."

"Oh, trust me, I have, too," Castiel says, a little too darkly. He bounced around a lot when he was 18 and homeless, and he didn't always have a nice bed in a shelter to borrow.

"Are you sure?" Jo asks.

"Because I am more than happy to take the floor," Dean says. With a teasing smile, he adds, "I promise I won't ask Charlie embarrassing questions about you."

Castiel gives a halfhearted chuckle. "Yeah, I, uh..." He needs a better reason than trying to be nice, and he doesn't have a long time to think of it so he goes with the first thing to pop into his head. "I don't really like sharing beds. It, uh... it makes me feel kinda claustrophobic." That is, of course, a lie, but with the number of lies he's told in the last few months, what's one more to the list?

"Oh, really?" Jo asks, seeming a little disheartened.

Castiel can't help but feel bad. She had worked so hard to plan the sleeping arrangements out, and he just had to tear them apart. Sure, it was an easy fix and probably one that will work out better for everybody -- Dean gets a bed, Jo gets to share her bed with someone she's closer to, and Castiel and Charlie get to spend the night together -- but it was still a change in these plans that she must have spent a lot of time thinking of if she's upset about this.

"Oh, yeah, that's true," Charlie says, even though she knows it's not because they have shared a bed once or twice before. "He won't even sleep in the same bed with me, and I've known him for 10 years."

Castiel gives her a grateful smile. It always helps to have a friend back you up on your lie.

"Well, okay, I guess if you're sure," Jo says awkwardly.

"I'm sorry," Castiel says, because he really doesn't want her to feel bad. "I just know that neither of us would get any sleep if I did, you know?"

Jo offers him a smile that looks less than sincere. "Yeah, 'course. It's all good."

While Charlie and Jo both get ready for bed, Castiel takes his bags out of her room and brings them to the closet and Dean does the opposite. They almost walk right into each other in the kitchen, and they both hop backward before they collide. Castiel gives an awkward smile before heading back to the closet (not, of course, that he ever left the metaphorical one), but Dean says his name and he turns around to look at him, his hands gripping the handle of his luggage a little too tight so Dean can't see them start to shake. They're alone now. They haven't been alone in... well, ever, actually, though that first day with the guitar felt pretty alone to him. This almost feels the same.

"I just want to check in real quick," Dean tells him. "I know you were a little hesitant to come, so I just wanna, you know, see how you're doing so far."

"I'm... doing great." Castiel plasters a smile on his face. He really hasn't been doing great all day, even if seeing Charlie did boost his mood immensely. Standing just a few feet from Dean Winchester with no one else around certainly is not making things any easier.

"Are you actually doing great, or are you just saying that because you don't want to dump your problems on me?" Dean asks.

Castiel's smile is a little more genuine at that one. "Really, Dean, it's fine."

"Ah, see, 'fine' and 'great' are two very different things," Dean says. "How are you actually doing?"

"I'm doing fine," Castiel says again. "I mean, it's not quite Christmas in southern California, but it's kind of nice to spend the holidays with people who aren't just Charlie." That part isn't a lie; he does still find himself wishing he was at Charlie's house instead, but at least there's a little variety to this Christmas, right?

Dean smiles, and Castiel's heart skips a beat. "I'm going to hope you're telling the truth, but I don't think I'll ever know for sure because you're too good an actor."

Castiel manages to stop himself from externally freaking out, but the compliment does mean a lot more to him than he cares to admit. "Thanks, Dean. And yeah, I'm telling the truth." About this, at least. He can't say the same for everything he's said today, though.

"And you're sure about sleeping on the floor?" Dean asks. "Because I really wouldn't mind if you wanted to take the bed, and you know I'm telling the truth because I'm not an actor."

Castiel chuckles at that. "It's fine, Dean. You can take the bed; I'll take the annoying little redhead."

"Speaking of 'the annoying little redhead,'" Dean says, and Castiel finds himself tensing up before he even knows where this is going, "I haven't really gotten to talk to her yet, but she seems really cool. I could tell you were a little nervous to introduce us, what with the whole 'threatening to hire an assassin' thing and all, but I'm glad you did."

"You know, I think I'm glad I did, too," Castiel admits, and he really does mean it. Charlie hasn't said or done anything she wasn't supposed to yet, save for a few slightly embarrassing remarks that everyone else has probably forgotten, and she seems genuinely excited to be here. And, of course, it's going to be a lot more fun to talk about them to her when she's already met them and knows what they're like in person.

"Well, g'night, Cas," Dean says, tipping his head in farewell. "See you in the morning."

"'Night, Dean," Castiel replies, and then they're off to bed.