Secrets and Camera Flashes

Chapter 19

"So, how was your date with Jo?"

Castiel sighs and lies back against the couch, his head lolling back in exasperation. "I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this."

Charlie scoffs. "What? You seemed fine going into it! What changed in the last..." She pauses, doubtlessly checking the time before finishing, "22 hours?"

"I was just really hoping she'd be different," Castiel says.

"Why?" Charlie asks. "What's she like? Or what did you hope she was like?"

"She's just boring. She watches Nicholas Sparks movies and listens to Ariana Grande and spends all her time on Twitter and she probably has a whole closet full of UGGs and a secret supply of hair scrunchies and only drinks out of Hydroflasks —"

"Okay, Cas, you're combining 2012 white girl stereotypes with 2020 stereotypes, and it's not working," Charlie says. "How much of that was real and how much was projecting your hatred of all things female?"

"The chick flicks, Ariana Grande, and Twitter was real, and the rest was just me being bitter that I'm dating a girl," Castiel deadpans. "Are you happy?"

"Um, no, actually," Charlie says. "I was really hoping you made it all up and she liked D&D and Marvel and geek stuff and I could date her vicariously through you."

Castiel chuckles. "Unfortunately not." Leave it to Charlie to try to cheer him up like that, though.

"Well, what do you actually like about her?" Charlie asks. "Let's make a list of pros and hope they outweigh the cons."

"Um..." Castiel sits up and props his head up on his hand, thinking. "She's..." He shakes his head to himself. "I don't know. She's nice, I guess."

"That's the most fifth-grade answer you could have come up with," she tells him. "Come on, try again."

Castiel lets out a long breath. "Okay, let's see. She's... Well, she asks a lot of questions. It's annoying, but at least she doesn't just talk about herself."

"Yes!" Charlie claps her hands together once. "There we go! That was good! Kinda dropped off towards the middle, but you picked it up in the end. What else?"

"I don't know," he says. "We have nothing in common. Literally nothing."

"That's not true," Charlie says.

"No, I'm pretty sure I'd know that better than you," Castiel says.

"Ah, nope, you have at least one thing in common," Charlie says. "The desire to fuck Dean Winchester."

Castiel groans. "Why are you even bringing him up?"

"Because you think he's hot and he's about to be single —"

"I had a better chance at fucking him when he was still with Jo," Castiel says. "Now he's free to go find a real relationship, and I'm still stuck in the closet with Jo and have no shot at ever seeing Dean Winchester again."

"Okay, yes, you make some valid points," Charlie concedes, "but if I know Dean Winchester —"

"Which you don't," Castiel interrupts.

"Which I feel like I do because I've been googling him like crazy," Charlie corrects him before continuing, "he's probably not going to go look for a relationship right now, or anytime soon. The guy had a reputation for one night stands before he got with Jo. That's why it was such a big deal when it happened."

"And let me guess," Castiel says. "All these one night stands were with women?"

"Technically, no," Charlie says.

Castiel literally chokes on his own saliva at that. It takes him a minute to regain his composure — or at least.the ability to speak — just so he can say an incredulous, "What?"

"Well, there was one non-binary person," Charlie says.

Castiel smacks his head against the wall behind the couch in exasperation. "And, let me guess, they presented more female than male? Or at least androgenous?"

"Well, yes, they looked kinda feminine, but that's not the point," Charlie says. "They're not a girl."

"But I doubt he was expecting them to have a dick, so does it matter?" Castiel asks. "I'm glad he's open and accepting of other genders. Doesn't really help me, though, especially given that, and I repeat, I'm never going to see him again."

"But think about it," Charlie says. "He's apparently accepting of non-binary people, which is a fairly controversial topic for a celebrity that stays out of politics and social justice and all her, right?"

"Your point?"

"That he's probably totally pro-homo, so you might as well hit him up!"

Castiel groans. "I'm hanging up now."

"Don't you fucking dare."

Castiel, who had no plans to actually hang up, can't help but smile to himself. That was easy.

"Then pick a different topic," he says, because he has to make the most of his threat.

"Oh, come on, Cas," Charlie whines. "I did not spend a whole week googling Dean Winchester's life story for you to just turn me down like that!"

"All you've managed to accomplish is make me jealous of people of two genders," Castiel deadpans. "Thanks, Charlie. Really appreciate that."

"What, you don't think it means anything?" Charlie asks.

"No, I really don't," Castiel says. "I don't think cis straight guys care what someone's gender identity is as long as they don't look like a dude. That doesn't mean he's not homophobic, and it sure as hell doesn't make him gay, and if you keep pressing, I'm actually going to hang up, and I'm not lying like I was last time."

Charlie sighs. "Fine. Then tell me all about Jo, because you may not like her, but she's hot as hell and I'm interested."