~♪Day Nine♪~

399 34 13

by carciino-Gen

by carciino-Gen

|Triggering material|

Dear diary,
Today was absolutely splendid!

We had a ball today and I invited many, many guests. I danced with a lot of people and it was very fun, especially when I forced Ciel to dance with me. Of course that stupid whore Elizabeth was jealous but did I care? Ha, no. Of course not, since I know Ciel has feelings for me after all. I kissed his ear when we danced, the best part was that he couldn't flinch or squeal because we were in public. I had to restrain myself from laughing, it was hilarious.

~*~

It's bedtime now. I managed to get Claude to sing to me, he doesn't love me though. I saw the way he looked at Ciel, I saw it. Does it hurt? Yes, it slices me into pieces. I thought I mattered to him, but it's obvious he would pick Ciel over me, all his actions point to it. If I try to gain his attention, he'll just turn me away, it's always Ciel this, Ciel that. Fuck him, I can't take it anymore.

~*~

It's past my bedtime and Claude thinks I've gone to sleep, half his luck really. I feel so empty, why does this happen to me? This darkness is constantly trailing after me and it won't leave, I feel the hands again, I feel them and they won't let me rest. Another night without sleep, another week dealing with insensitive pricks, another month alone, another painful year. It won't end. Do I deserve it? Yes. I'm pathetic, constantly seeking attention from a fucking butler. I hate myself so much, is that why I draw blood? Is that why I find comfort in pain?

Claude complains about missing cutlery, knives that is, along with the many smashed vases having missing shards. I think he knows. Do I think he cares? Definitely not. I need relief, I need to feel something, I need to slice away at the darkness that is my flesh. Bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, BLEED. I'm filthy and pathetic. Save me...

Bleed.

Slice.

Scream.

~*~

'There once was a butterfly, tattered and torn
Constantly battered and beaten and worn,
To cover the tears that were seen in its wings,
It put on a mask and hid from monstrous things,
There once was a butterfly, broken and old,
It's soul went astray and it's story untold,
Until one day it fell, lifeless and cold.'

-Alois☆〜