LATE NIGHTS IN TOKYO (UNPOLISHED VERSION)

Perfectionist The Moon

Tryna love myself to best of my ability isn't easy...
People call me smart and whatever
But really it takes too much just think and feel this way
It hurts myself sometimes...I might drive myself crazy
I keep thinking I need my difference...
I don't even think that person exists...
If she doesn't I need her to...
I can't deal with people and love and just hate...
I refuse to...
I don't want to be in a fucked up situation tryna show my fuckin feelings...
Or something...trying to deal with them...because they aren't the best...
I want people to be by my side...
I don't want people to leave that I care about...
And damn well I don't want anything going wrong...

This Perfectionist thing comes from expecting the very worst...
Overthinking...
I hate doing that so much...
Overthinking if I'm going to make it what I want to do...
I don't wanna fail and fuck up
Like shit whenever I play a game that has some type of grading I always want it to be the very best...
Like it displays my worth...
I want to be worthy enough...

For real...

Perfectionist to the point I can't even do my work
Want everything to be perfect and good and acceptable
Most of the time I don't feel like my doing my work
But niggas know I can
Perfectionist to the point where I want my life to be good and acceptable
But I know it can't be helped
No many how much I try it doesn't work...
But I have to try and see where shit goes...
Perfectionist to the point where I realize that I don't deserve the pain from a mf who doesn't even care
Knowing I can find people who actually care and support me
To the point where I realize that I don't deserve to be here with every average mf...
Need to blow up and deserve the world to myself
When I get it
It's over...

Perfectionist...a feeling to feel complete
Tryna be at peace with yourself
I need to be in peace with myself
Getting to know myself better
Tryna fill these pages right...
Tryna fuckin get tight
Not have loose ends in life
I want everything to be perfect in my life
To be in control
Not fuckin up and getting lost in my own fuckin mind dying...
I walked in the darkness...
No one knew...
The ones who ain't dumb seen it with their own eyes...
I now walk in the light...
I don't wanna die...
I'm growing up...
Becoming the person I wanna be...
Tryna admire my own art...
After looking up at who I admired as a child...
I became them and then became myself
Who I wanna be...
I don't wanna be lost or hurt anymore
I don't wanna put myself a position I don't wanna be in...
I been into too much problems as a 17 year old
Probably more than a fuckin 46 old man...
Well obviously
I'm not average
Niggas know that
I don't wanna be boring
I don't wanna be lame
Or dead...
Rather be alive and
Perfect...
Be the best person I can be
Spreading love and not hate...
I wanna take everything that hurt me and make something with it...