Take Me to the Water

PART 9 // Womanhood

Uncle Calvin avoided me after that night in his room. I know it was because of guilt. When we'd pass each other in the house he wouldn't look my way, and when I tried to strike up a conversation, he just ignored me. He slowly started to become the uncle that he was when we first moved to Michigan. He stopped playing his sax, and the guys stopped coming over on Thursdays, and he drank more and more.

I wanted to hate him for what he did to me and Leah, but oddly, I also wanted him to talk to me again. He was my only friend, and since he wasn't speaking to me, I felt more alone than ever.

The day he finally broke his silence, he told me that he accepted a job working in a shipyard in Illinois and that he would be leaving in a few days.

Plant jobs were being shipped overseas and people in Clover were out of work, and Uncle Calvin was one of them. I didn't even know he wasn't working until he announced that he was leaving. I was sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast when he came in and took a seat across from me. He wouldn't even look me in the eye.

"I got laid off," he said solemnly as he looked down to the floor.

This was my first time being remotely close to him in months. He looked like he hadn't been sleeping. There were dark circles under his eyes and he had stubble on his face. I could tell he was hurt and embarrassed, and I was hurt for him. He took pride in working and being a provider and not having to ask anyone for anything. I knew not having a job was tearing him up.

"I can't sit around all day waiting for these folks to take me back. I wasn't built like that. I'm a man and men work. I been looking for work these past few weeks, but without the white man's piece of paper ain't much around here for me to do except be a janitor or trash man—and I ain't about to spend my life cleaning up after no white folk. So I'm leaving. Felix got a buddy that works in these shipyards and he got me a job. I'm taking off Saturday."

"But what about me?" I said on the verge of tears. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

Leah was almost done with school and she basically took care of herself, but me, I needed Uncle Calvin and my heart was racing.

"You ain't no kid Eve. I was taking care of myself at your age. You'll be fine. I'll send money to help out, and you better spend it wisely cause it's only going to be enough to cover the bills and food."

He told me that he would be back in time for Leah's graduation, then he sat an envelope full of money down on the table and left.

I sat blankly at the kitchen table for hours, just staring at the wall. I was miserable. It felt like I was losing my parents all over again, but different. This time I lost my best friend, my only friend. I went up to my room and cried myself to sleep.

A few months later, Leah graduated from high school and Uncle Calvin didn't come back home like he said he would. He called the day before the graduation and said he couldn't make it, so I saw Leah off by myself. She gave me a hug and told me that she would call and check on me from time to time, and then she left too.

I walked back into the empty house and looked around like I had never been inside before. I had felt alone my entire life, but now, at 12 years old, I really was alone. The only thing I could think to do to ease my pain was the thing Uncle Calvin taught me to do—music.

I sat down at the piano and played one of Uncle Calvin's favorites, In A Sentimental Mood.

I resisted the urge to cry as best I could, but the tears fell anyway. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't ready to be alone. I wanted my family back: my mother, my father, Leah, Aunt Yvonne, and the old Uncle Calvin.