Holding on Would've Been Selfish

Chapter 8- Hiding Shit

A week before aunt Eva came back from Guatemala, I went to stay over at her house. I wanted to spend as much time with James as I possibly could because he was leaving in a few months. I wanted to make the best out of our relationship and create many beautiful memories that he could hold onto when he was facing difficult times at boot camp.

On Saturday night, he stood over with me. We were watching a movie but then he suddenly got on his phone.

James; come watch this video with me.

Me; what is it about? Scoot over.

James; it's about the marine corps. It shows you what I'll be going through each week at boot camp.

Me; babe, I don't want to watch that.

James; it's crazy how you're my girlfriend and you're showing lack of interest in something I have a lot of interest in.

Me; it's not that honey. It's hard enough already having to accept the fact that you'll be gone soon that I don't want to see the difficult shit you're going to go through.

James; whatever

Me; fine, I'll watch it with you babe. Whatever makes you happy. You're right, it's better to know than not to know. Hopefully it'll give me a little peace.

James; *gives me a kiss on my forehead* thanks honey.

The video was about 20 minutes long. It was quite interesting. It did get me upset because I didn't want James to go through none of the shit I saw the guys in the video go through. I knew that it was going to be ten times worse than what it was portrayed in the video. James was also aware of it but he didn't care. James was all for the marines and he was determined as hell. There was nothing nor anyone that could make him change his mind.

The following morning, we headed out to eat. He stopped by his mother's house to shower, get changed and see his family for a while. I would usually wait for him inside of the car, parked around the corner of their house. James was always eager as hell for me to meet his family but I wasn't ready. I felt as though it was way too soon. It did bother the shit out of him though.

As soon as we got back to aunt Eva's house, James sat in the couch.

James; Melissa can I tell you something?

Me; *nervous* What is it?

James; I'm going active now.

Me; *upset* you're kidding me right?

James; No, I'm not. I'm going two years active and two years reserve.

Me; what the fuck man? What made you change your mind?

James; I figured that I wouldn't waste my time as much, if I went active instead of reserve.

Me; This is fucking crazy. Your mom wants you to go active and now you're fucking doing it. Can you not make decisions for yourself? You clearly told me that your mom wanted you to go active so that she can go live with her boyfriend.

James; Melissa, stop. I did say that but stop bringing that shit up.

Me; I'll bring it up because at this point you're telling me something and then switching shit up on me, just because your mom wants you to. Like how old are you? It's not fair to me.

James; Well you decide if you want to stay with me or not. Nothing is going to make me change my mind.

I was extremely devastated and headed upstairs to cry. It was too much to handle at once. I loved him though so I swallowed my pride and headed back downstairs.