One-Shots - Good Omens | Ineffable Husbands

Matte Black

TW: None

"I said no!" A young boy screamed.

Aziraphale and Crowley were strolling through the woods of Tadfeild for they had made a plan to visit the ex-antichrist known as Adam Young. Of course, Crowley and Aziraphale hadn't thought much about the antichrist or any of his friends since armaged-don't but one day a letter arrived at Aziraphale's bookshop.

It was written by a child, later confirmed to be Adam Young, saying that he and his friends had questions. They were curious to know more about celestial beings and how Adam came to become the powerful antichrist that defeated Satan. It also said that Adam didn't know either of the celestial beings' phone numbers, so he took a shot in the dark and sent it to the most reasonable place he could find. Aziraphale had planned to meet Adam in the location provided later that evening.

The location provided, of course, was the Them's hideout. It was located in the woods of Hogback Lane, not too far away from Adam's house. (He even included a colourful map drawn from crayon in case they couldn't find it)

"Was never a fan of the woods. So... woody," Crowley said, kicking a pine cone out of his way.

"I think it's rather lovely!" Aziraphale said.

"Of course you do..."

The pair approached a clearing in the woods and spotted a small group of children huddled around a small plastic table. They were arguing about something.

"Hello!" Aziraphale greeted as he approached the kids.

Three of them jumped up and backed away, glaring at Aziraphale and Crowley. They were startled at first, but they settled down as they must have remembered who the strangers were.

"Aziraphale! Crowley!" Adam said, jumping from his throne of twigs and sticks.

"Are we interrupting?" Crowley asked, gesturing to the other three children huddled around a small bag on the table.

"No! Actually, you're right on time. Would you please explain to Brian that nail polish is not just for girls! It's a universal way of expression and if my mom made me paint my nails then you should have to do it, too!" The girl, who Aziraphale recognized as Pepper, turned and shouted at the boy next to her- Brian.

"Just because you did it doesn't mean I have to! I'm not a girl!" Brian snapped back.

"Oh, so now we're going to be sexist?! How many times do I have to tell you-" Pepper stomped her foot into the ground.

"Wa-wa-wait. What's going on here?" Crowley interrupted.

Adam sighed. "Pepper's mom bought her all these nail polishes because they had to go to a fancy party so she made Pepper paint her nails."

"Now she's trying to make us paint ours too because she doesn't want to be the only one with painted nails!" The last boy, the one with the strange name... what was it? Wensleydale! That's it.

"Well, can't you just remove it?" Crowley asked Pepper.

She shook her head, her thick ponytail bouncing from side to side. "My mom won't let me."

"Ah," Crowley said simply.

Silence settled over the group. Aziraphale could sense the array of different emotions. Pepper was all fired up and angry, Crowley seemed a little out of place and the remaining boys were just tired of dealing with Pepper's strong opinion all the time.

"Well, I'm sure Crowley would love to have his nails painted!" Aziraphale beamed. "Afterall, he has been a woman before,"

Everyone's mouths dropped.