The Moments

Chapter Three

JORDAN WILLS

Sometimes I wish I could just start over. I wish I could begin again, not just a new city or a new school, but start over as a new Jordan. This Jordan is smart, he's averagely funny, and overall, I like him. Sure his eyes are a dull brown and he can't even create the illusion of muscles, but he's approachable. The only problem is, people don't approach him. That's where the starting over comes into play.

Willow Academy High School is not for the faint of heart. Bullying here isn't like it is in the movies, more subtle, more passive aggressive. I was told on my first day that I should learn how to fight, but it's now my Junior year and I've still never been in a fight. Which kind of sucks because I begged my mom to let me take karate until she finally caved because I was convinced I was going to be in a brawl my Freshman year. I've been the victim of numerous assholes, but never fought.

I don't know when people decided I would be fun to mess with, but if I had to pinpoint an exact moment that I noticed people didn't like me, I think it was some time around my first hour of being at the place. I blame my parents. In middle school they insisted I be home schooled, but by the time Freshman year rolled around, everything was different. When I started going to school again I found myself unaccustomed to socializing with anybody but my parents and brother. Needless to say, things were rough. My first mistake was being myself.

Just to make myself clear, I like me. I like me just fine. I think I'm a class A guy. But when your first words to a class of 9th graders are, "Hi, I'm Jordan Wills. I like music, oceanology, and books.", people tend to not like you for some reason. So I really need this new beginning because this time I will remember not to be so... me. Even if I think I'm pretty cool, other people don't and therefore don't need to be subjected to me.

 In my head all of the things I said -when building a reputation that would haunt me forever- were quirky and fascinating. I was like a character from an edgy teen novel. I had a little narrator in my head vividly describing my every action, and man, I was a great character. If my life really was a book, they would've cast a young Matt Dillon to play me in the on screen adaption. By the time I realized not everybody felt this way about me, it was too late to create a new Jordan Wills. They could only see the weird, quirky kid with the overly styled hair. Of course, Junior year is different. The number of people who actively dislike me has shrunk. I've learned to put the people around me into 4 distinguishable groups. Trust me, the system works.

First is family. Family likes me because they have to. It's a very simple concept and a very hard pill to swallow, but it's true. Then there are acquaintances. This makes up most of the people I know. It doesn't matter if they know my name or not, if they don't fit in any other category they are acquaintances. Next are friends. I have exactly 2 friends and sometimes I think about knocking them down to acquaintances, but I don't really feel I have the right to do that. Plus I'm not exactly in a good position to be lessening my circle, especially considering my circle is a triangle. They've never done anything wrong, it's just that sometimes I think I annoy them. Sometimes I think distancing myself is more of a favor. That's why I try not to think.

Finally, there are assholes. I don't have such a solid number on those guys, but there are definitely a handful and, spoiler alert, they suck. Most of my peers decided bullying was boring sometime around Sophomore year. I became less of a target and more of an invisible man. Maybe I should be flattered that some people still like to fuck with me. Being seen negatively is still being seen.

I decide to explain the system of categorization to my little brother over breakfast. I don't usually talk about the things I think because they tend to be beyond people's realm of understand. That's not to say I'm smarter than most, just more confusing. I decide to tell my brother because for some reason all I can think about this morning are the categories. My brother, Lucas, is 12 and he's learned to comprehend things well beyond his age. Plus, he's the only one who will engage in this conversation with me.