The Moments

Chapter Eleven

JORDAN WILLS

Being up there cleared my head, being near her lifted my spirits, and now, everything feels a little bit brighter. I smile at my mom every time I catch her looking at me. She keeps subtly accusing me of doing drugs and while my good mood could easily be explained by dope or ecstasy, it is caused simply by the pure elation that Madelyn Sheen brings me.

It's been almost a week since I last saw her, just a dot, so small from the top of that building. It might have been the highest I've ever been and for the first time in my life, I didn't feel like I needed to get higher. In fact, when I was back at ground level, I still felt high enough. I still felt good. Like I was tall all on my own, yet grounded by her.

We text and occasionally I call her. By 'occasionally' I mean exactly three times, but the conversations were dry and lasted no longer than ten minutes. She says she starts another round of chemo soon, all the medical stuff means nothing to me though. I try to make her dumb it down for me, but she's incapable of not being smart for even a second. Sometimes that makes it hard for us to communicate. I kind of like it though. How different we are.

She's very careful. The more I talk to her, the more I doubt I'll ever get to sit next to her on that building. She came and met me in a parking lot. That's not exactly hard. Asking her to risk her already constantly at risk life, that's a big request. Yet, I know if I was her, I'd do it.

It's not a thing I try to think about, but sometimes thoughts invade consciousness. I block it out, but a voice in the back of my head asks, how long does she have? I think it asks because it wants to know how much time I have to show her everything I love. To show her what it means to be me. From what I've gathered, she lives a life of survival. She sees days as wars to be fought, battles to win, villains to conquer. To me days are opportunities to light my brain on fire. To make my heart beat so hard I can feel it almost stop. It's an incredible feeling, I have to show her, she can't die not knowing my world.

I text her discreetly under my desk in 8th period. The conversations get less dry everyday. Right now she's explaining how she'd like to see me again before she starts the next round of chemo and I'm thinking about how that can be arranged. Tomorrow is Friday so I'll have an appointment and if things work out like last week, I could definitely make it happen.

"Hey," Nick whispers. I look up at him and smile my best smile. I've barely spoken to him all week and given the current situation regarding Lisa, I should probably be more present. "Wanna do something after school? There's a new horror movie out."

The word 'no' is on the tip of my tongue, likely to be followed by a lousy excuse, but my voice catches in my throat as I Nick looks into my eyes. I look down at my phone, then back up at him, then to the back of the class where Lisa sits whispering with some guy. I owe him some of my time.

"Yeah, as long as I drive."

His face lights up a little and I realize just how long it's been since we've hung out. I feel a pang of guilt and find myself looking at Lisa again. His eyes follow mine and the light in his face dims when he sees her.

"Let's not invite her," he suggests and I wasn't planning on it, but being told not to still makes me sad. "She probably has plans," he mutters and he's definitely right.

"We don't need her. Besides, her horror movie commentary is consistently garbage," I tease and he laughs. His laugh doesn't sound very happy though. I think something might be bothering him, but I don't feel comfortable asking. I'm being there for him by hanging out, that's enough.

As we get in my car I pay little attention to the fact that he doesn't buckle because I'm too busy gaping at the fact that when I stick a cigarette in my mouth his hand is open for one too.