The Moments

Chapter Thirteen

JORDAN WILLS

There are not words to describe what if feels like to kiss her. I think back to every time I've felt myself sinking and realize that her touch could pull me out of it in an instant. Every attack of world crushing thoughts and feelings, she could save me. If she knew that she would try to.

There's no need for near death anymore. I need that feeling to remind myself that I'm alive, but she makes me feel more alive than anything ever has. She is all I need to get by. So as she walks back into the building, as the parking lot returns to dull and boring, I realize that this is the strongest feeling I have ever experienced in my life.

I get home late, my mom is fuming. She's been calling for hours. I knew the consequences before I decided to see Madelyn. At the time I was worried, but now I don't really care. Luke is sitting on the couch, up way past his bedtime, watching in amusement as my mom rips my phone and car keys from my hand.

"Where the hell were you!?" she demands. I still have this stupid grin across my face and I can imagine it's only pissing her off more, but I can't get it to go away.

"I was just in the parking lot of the hospital," I explain as calmly as possible.

"Doing what!?"

I roll my eyes, not on purpose, it's more of a reflex really. I see her fists clench, but she's not going to hit me, she's a good mom. A great one in fact. She definitely doesn't deserve my bullshit. She's just mad, rightfully so, but I'd appreciate if she let me explain.

"I was talking to a friend I met at the hospital. She's living there right now and she's not really supposed to see people so she had to sneak out." While my story is better than what my mom has likely envisioned, it definitely doesn't save me from getting in trouble.

"Wait a girl!? You have a girlfriend!?" Lucas shouts, he's on his knees, hands gripping the back of the couch as he watches everything unfold. He's abandoned whatever show he was watching, much more fascinated in our argument.

"Not exactly," I reply. Then I think about it for a second and add, "Well... kinda."

My mom rubs the upper bridge of her nose the way parents do when they're upset. I look down at my feet, trying to appear ashamed and upset, but I'm too exhilarated. The smile keeps peeking through.

"Luke get to bed," she instructs.

"But-"

"Get to bed!"

He jumps up and runs off, disappearing into his room and leaving me alone with a beyond infuriated mother.

"Okay," she mutters. She's trying desperately to calm down, but no matter what she does, her hands keep shaking. "I need a drink," she laughs humorlessly.

"I can make you one," I offer and obviously it's a joke, but my timing is off.

"Jordan," she begins softly. "I don't care what you were doing. I believe you. I trust that it was harmless and safe." I have trouble not laughing at that statement because tonight was the one night that I was actually have harmless and safe fun. If anything, Madelyn was being reckless. Crazy. Little bit of role reversal there. "But you have to stop. You have to stop breaking rules and sneaking away and living your life as though nothing you do effects anybody else!" She's suddenly yelling again and her words start to have some meaning. My smile fades.

"I'm sorry-"

"I know you are Jordan, I know. I believe you, really, but it feels like nothing I say gets the point across."

"And what point is that?" I query, because I'm genuinely not sure.

"Jordan you were found standing on the edge of a building just a few weeks ago, you break rules all the time, you have a history of acting recklessly." I can see where this is going and I don't like it, but I let her continue. "Your therapist might not have worked this out and you might not have worked this out, but I have. You don't really care about what happens to you. That may not scare you, but as your mother, I'm terrified everyday that you might not walk through that door at the end of the day!"