The Moments

Chapter Sixteen

MADELYN SHEEN

I wake up feeling less human and more pin cushion. The world doesn't look real and I have to wonder briefly if I'm dreaming. There is a soft haze over everything. It occurs to me that I might be high on painkillers or something, but then I glance to my left and witness a very sobering sight.

Jordan is laying asleep on a couch. I barely notice the fact that I'm not in my room, or the fact that there is a breathing tube pushing air into my nostrils, or the fact than an IV is pumping god knows what into my veins. I'm too busy obsessing over the image of Jordan laying on this couch. His features are soft, untouched by trauma, fear, of worry. His hands are folded under his head and his knees bent so he can fit on the two cushions. I've never woken up this confused, yet this calm.

I look around for my dad, but he isn't in the room so I sit up a little. It doesn't hurt too bad, what feels much worse is the rush of memories that suddenly break through the fog in my head. I can't imagine anything more embarrassing than having a medical emergency in the middle of losing your virginity. I'm probably dying, which should be the main concern, but what sucks more is that I'm dying a virgin. A sad state of affairs really.

"Madelyn?" Jordan whispers, pushing himself to a sitting position. I can't help but smile. He looks dead tired and absolutely terrified. I feel this ungodly amount of guilt for being the cause of that fear. I make it a goal to make him feel better, convince him I'm fine, however possible.

"Hey Jordan," I return softly. My voice is hoarse so I try to plaster a smile on my face to make up for it.

He scrambles towards me. Deep concern etched into his eyes. He reaches out and clasps my hand in his, holding it desperately. As though he's afraid that I might just slip away. I encase his hand in mine and meet his eyes.

"I'm fine. I promise," I assure, but his eyes are still wide. "I promise," I try again. Still no response.

"Your dad told me what the doctor said," he manages, he's shaking, fidgeting, I've never seen him so on edge. "They said," he stops in the middle of a sentence that sounds important, I try to be patient, but it's hard to remain calm when Jordan Wills is panicking. He's not the type to panic. So things are probably pretty bad.

"What?" I press. He just stares blankly, willing the tears to stop forming, willing his voice to stop from breaking. He's not the best person for delivering bad news, but horrible things sound better from a wonderful mouth. "Jordan-"

"I can't!" he shouts, he kicks the chair out from under him and it clatters to the ground. I jump slightly, surprised by his outburst. His hands grip frantically at his hair, he ruffles it wildly and it comes to point all different directions. At any other time it would be adorable, but now it's just heartbreaking. I'm literally dying, but hold a mirror to the two of us, he looks worse. "I can't do this. I can't. I just can't."

He's just repeating the word "can't" over and over. Pacing around the room, destroying his hair, tweaking like a drug addict. I'm witnessing a full Jordan Wills breakdown and I have no idea how to stop it.

It's hard being me, knowing your gonna die, just laying around waiting for it. That said, I truly believe that it's harder being somebody close to me. When I die, I'm out, the pain is over. Theirs is just beginning. In a normal situation, this would be a moment for me to face the fear and accept my future, but this isn't a normal situation. This is two teenagers who have no idea what they're doing. I have to calm him down before I get to freak out.

"Jordan," I call over his rambling, he hears me, but he doesn't stop. "Jordan!" I'm louder this time and he freezes mid step and turns to face me.

"Your dad said I should stay and wait for you to wake while he calls your mom. He's a nice guy, very understanding." He refuses to make eye contact. Just trains his eyes on his feet and talks in this flat, monotone voice.