Farewell...

farewell to you, friend.

The world we live in is fading, humanity is lost, dreams are lost, illnesses increase and no one cares about each other like they used to, women no longer stand together but apart… for the sake of just doing what’s best for themselves. Women today are what our foremothers fought so hard for us not to be… helpless and foolish and sadly I’m one of them.

People search for what we call soulmates, but unfortunately soulmates are not easy to find and no one is perfect in any way. My soulmate was Daniel, he turned out to be a liar and a thief of my heart. He was married, had children and kept me in his life as if I owed him that much, I didn’t.

He had the most beautiful wife and she didn’t deserve to have us do what we did to her. I guess I admired her beauty, but I didn’t respect her enough. Truth.

Her name was August Presley, beautiful in every way possible. I kind of wanted to be her, to have everything she had at her age – she was an inspiration. Well, to me. “how long have you been waiting for doctor Simons?” she asked, sitting across from me, at Dr Simons Surgery. She didn’t know me, or how I knew her. “Barely an hour…you come here often?” I replied, rather nervous. “well, yes, a friend of mine recommended this establishment and I thought to give it a try. And I’m here.” She said, smiling as if she owed me that kindness.

“Tiffany, you are?” I introduced myself. “August Presley… lovely meeting you.” She said, giggling. I already knew this, but it was lovely, her giggle. Then we were interrupted, she had to go in for her appointment.

He sometimes made me feel like last pick.

I decided to leave seeing Dr Simons, myself. I couldn’t bear knowing how kind she was and how insensitive I was being towards her. I guess I loved the interest he took in me, made me believe I was somebody and truthfully I didn’t need him to remind me that but at the time I did.
So right after my ‘meeting’ with August, I met with Daniel at our ‘usual spot’ which was of course my apartment. “And why are you so worked up about this…she does not know.” He asked, as he laid on my couch.

“I should have done this a while ago, when I found out about your family. I’m sorry it took so long but I can’t carry on with this relationship.” I said, as I gathered his belongings.
“what are you saying?” He asked in frustration. “I’m saying we’re done. Please leave.” I said, trying to be as up-front as possible. “It will never work, us not being together…you know that.” He said, as if I would fail at being alone. I could never. “Please leave.” I said, impatient. He got up and pushed me aside and left. Just like that. Didn’t even take his things. I hoped to never see him again and let’s just say it was a while before I saw him again and thank goodness for that.

I could live with all the lessons my relationship with him taught me and I was happy it ended, although I’d often wonder if I did the right thing. Surely it was right for him, but what about me? How would I get by alone and as someone who recently entered adulthood? How sure could I be that I would be okay? Was I going to be alright?

Five long years passed me by and I had done it, I was okay and I was doing okay. I won’t lie I did wonder if August deserved my sacrifice of love. Then again it was not love, it’s called having a safety blanket, he was mine once upon a time.

Perhaps I really was just a hopeless romantic, but I refused to believe that. I’m not that hopeless to be in such a manipulative relationship. I decided to just be the woman my mother raised.

I was an accountant at an elite law firm, this the place where I found peace, in my work space and here no one called me ‘Tiffany’, it was just Tiff. It’s playful so I love it. “Hey, Zeke would you mind bringing me the new budget plan for the year?” I asked, getting ready for work with Zeke on speakerphone.

“Tiff, I don’t have that yet but I’ll try get it to you by the end of the day.” He replied, so formally, he had those days… days when he was weirdly formal with his friend, me.

“What? No! No! No! No!” I yelled, unable to find my shoes, in the mess that is my bedroom. “Tiff, I said I’ll check don’t worry.” He said, trying to calm me down. “I’m so sorry Zeke. I am actually just looking for my shoes and nothing yet.” I replied, explaining my current scenario. I took a breath and sat on the bed and waited for my shoe to show up. “You’re not at the office yet?” he asked. “Nope.” I said and sighed.

“okay just wear some sneakers and get there I’d like to talk to you.” He asked, suddenly so nervous. “okay, speak.” I said, listening. “you sure I can ask you now?” he asked, so childishly. “Yeah” I said, getting annoyed. “How would you feel if I took you out to lunch, today. It’s nothing awkward, I promise.” He said, all too nervous for my liking. “You mean like a date?” I asked. “Yeah…” He said, almost too soft to hear. “Okay, I’d like that.”  I said, totally up for it. This made me incredibly happy, someone, a friend took interest in me. We hadn’t hang up yet and I couldn’t stop smiling, until… I heard it, the crash. He was on his way to work and I must’ve distracted him from the road. Ahhh, this couldn’t have wiped my smile away any sooner than it did.

I dropped the phone and rushed out that apartment like it was on fire. I drove on the route we normally took together and there it was. I didn’t have time to ask him if he was okay. I had to see that he indeed was okay. So, travelling to see whether or not he was okay would make me feel better than, hearing him lie.

There it was. The most horrific scene I’d ever seen. Two cars collided, two lifeless bodies, being carried away into an ambulance. I ran out of my car to check… they wouldn’t let me. I fought just to get close enough to unzip a body bag. There he laid, grey and cold. He remained perfect in his coldness, charmingly handsome and angelic in his eternal sleep.

“No! No!” I cried, as the paramedics pulled me away. I fought them off and ran to see him once more. “Don’t touch me! I just want to say something before you take him away.” I pleaded, as I wept, I wept for another woman’s son. A woman I didn’t know… she would never hear him laugh again, cry or hear the words bound to bring her pride.

My friend was gone, my colleague and partner in crime…was gone. I quickly thought of those who had lost far more than that. Those that lost a brother, a son, an uncle, a father, if they did.  Thought of his family. “Zeke, uhm… perhaps in another lifetime we’ll be friends forever, like you said we would be.” I said and kissed his forehead… trying to assure him that we would have our date one day and I’d make this all up to him.