A lot can happen in a year, but I never expected this.

Now.

Well now my depression comes and goes, and to some point its always there to haunt me. But this is my life, I need to live it. No, I have to live it, and yes my life sucks, but thats ok. I'm used to it, I'm embracing it. I have to move on and enjoy life. Because as I once remember writing in an essay in Language Arts about life, "Well in end we only regret the choices we don't make" and I choose to be happy.

One day I will write an actual book about this, like "Saving Sammy" or "Brain on Fire" maybe i'll even partner up with other PANS patients, but that thought is still a little overwhelming. For now my goal is to bring awareness to this disease, because 1 out of 200 people with the symptoms I had have this, yet most of them will never get diagnosed. Imagine my life if I hadn't gotten diagnosed. Would I still have one? Who knows. What I do know is that I'm ok, I'm recovering from a tough couple of years, and god knows that these experiences will be something that will haunt me and my family forever. But that's ok, it might have brought of closer, because we were able to stick together when we all were losing hope and pick ourselves up again.

I am thankful for the amazing people out there who have helped me, especially Dr Frankovich and Dr Chang, well they definitely never lost hope in me, they truly believe that one day I will no longer need them. And that of course gives me hope aswell.

And to those people who hated on me and told me told kill myself for several weeks, well f you, I am not going to, and I never will, because this life although its hard, is not something id want to miss out on. And maybe you feel good when I say that it did hurt me, because I am human, and those words hurt, so I truly hope you are happy because those hours of crying because of it were definitely hours I could have spent doing something else. Honestly I will never understand how someone can possibly sit in front of their computer screen, click anonymous, and say "kill yourself already".

Last id like to say, that my life is not always good, and I will some day probably get a flare again, and I will probably need a couple of IVIGs more, but its ok, I know whats wrong now, I can get help. What I need now is to have people understand me, because no im not crazy, I never was. Im not schizophrenic. I have an auto immune disease, and I can get cured. I will be ok.