The Diary Entries

Bed hunting...

Kakarot and I went shopping for a new bed today. For some unknown reason, beds never last long with us. I'm sure other couples have similar issues, either that or my husband is too...Moving on....

So we went into one particular store, the furniture isn't exactly cheap so I can only assume they don't use cheap materials. We had Gohan with us as my in-laws were out, and I didn't trust the pot head to look after my son. Kakarot spotted one particular bed with solid metal frame, now I had to remind him how we had managed to bend the last metal frame bed we had. He sulked because he liked the style of that bed, in other words the idiot didn't want a bed with a solid headboard...for personal reasons. I had to show him that there were other beds made out of different material with that kind of headboard. Anyway, this sales assistant followed us around, literally like a fly hovering over shit. I hate these sales assistants with a passion, it puts me off shopping. I recall stepping foot in a store,a sales assistant instantly followed and asked the dreaded "can I help you with anything?" I left the shop straight after. If I want help, I'd fucking ask!

Anyway, so there's this young male sales assistant following us around. He then asks "can I help you?" Yeah, how about you go and fuck yourself? Of course I had my son present, so I couldn't say that. Instead I said "Yeah, sorry, can you move a little to the left? You're in my line of vision and it's giving me a headache."

The sales assistant literally moved to the left and apologised. Gohan and I exchanged a look then back at the sales assistant, he's a few watts short of a lightbulb it seems. My darling husband then had to ask the most important question for the whole store to fucking hear. He asked- "can you recommend a bed that can actually withstand some rough cuddling?"- yes those exact words.

Gohan facepalmed as the sales assistant looked dumbfounded by the question, he was confused how a bed wouldn't be able to withstand a rough cuddle. Gohan then blurted out - "he means sex!" Which took me and his dad by surprise. I'll be having words with his school! Not something he should be saying, he doesn't even know what it means.

The sales assistant blushed at this, to which I found rather entertaining. He showed us this solid oak frame bed and his manager strolled in and boasted how that bed is unbreakable...clearly haven't seen my husband and I at it then...

Of course Kakarot thought it was a grand idea to literally climb on the bed and jump on it. That man never ceases to amaze me, honestly ...never a dull moment in our family. The manager laughed it off, as the bed didn't even creak. Impressive I thought, Kakarot then asked for me to jump on the bed with him to properly test it. As if I'd do that and make a fool of myself in the whole store, so I declined. Kakarot shrugged at me and sat on the bed, the manager asked if we were interested on purchasing this bed. Then my genius husband made a comment how it may not survive our...bedroom antics. The manager pointed out how he had jumped on the bed and it didn't move so therefore would withstand the rough...cuddling . Gohan and I sighed as Kakarot kept up with the questions as he could see it not lasting long. The store manager then asked him just how rough do we go- now I was hoping my husband would say something like "none of your business," or perhaps "rough enough." Any of those answers would of sufficed... but no, he had to take it a step further. He raised his brows at the manager and responded with "do you want to know?" Both Gohan and I both chanted "no" and tried to pull him off the bed. The manager laughed thinking he was just having a silly joke. Oh no, my idiot husband grabbed a pillow from the bed and...in my father in laws words he was like a "jack hammer". Dry humping the pillow like no tomorrow, I had to cover our sons eyes, the pillow literally burst open, feathers every where as the legs of the bed collapsed. The store manager no longer had a smile on his face after that...

And that's how Just_Goku and I got banned from the store.