Lost & Found

Chapter 20

It had been a few months since Ashton and Sierra started trying for a baby, but their efforts always failed and neither of them could figure out why. 

Sierra was hoping and praying that this time the test would come up positive. She closed her eyes tightly, clenching her hand around the test. She thought about how happy Savana and Lindsay were to be having children. Lindsay was starting a family, and Savana was continuing her's. She wanted to be a part of that, and she wanted the chance to have a baby.

Her phone's alarm knocked her out of the odd trance she sat in, and she looked down at the test. She had to shake her head to see it through the worry and stress. In the small window, held two pink little lines. She sighed, looking directly at the key on the test to make sure she was seeing positive. 

She leaned over on the counter, almost relieved at the positive reading. 

"W-We did it!" Sierra whispered excitedly. She could've jumped up and down, but she instead covered her mouth. Tears began streaming down her face as she made her way from the bathroom into her's and Ashton's bedroom. 

She held the text out to him with a tearful smile, and waited until he read it to express any bit of what she was feeling. 

After he realized what was happening, it was a silent celebration. They didn't want anyone knowing after how many failed attempts there were. No one even knew they were trying. It was one of the happiest moments of their lives. 

Sierra also didn't want to over-shadow Savana's birth, which was happening within the next week. It was the beginning of April, so she was due really soon. 

"We can't tell anyone. We have to wait until we know this is a successful one." Sierra wiped her tears away, trying her best to regain composure. 

Ashton muttered happily away a few words of agreement, but mostly of how he was going to be a dad. He had to sit on the bed to finally calm down, and Sierra was so happy to see him like this. She knew he'd make a great dad. The way he acted with Elise proved it time and time again. They were both so happy to be starting their own little family. 

In order to calm down even further, they decided to spend some time with friends today, seeing that Sierra and Lindsay had to help with something for Savana's side channel. 

As she made her way over to her house with Lindsay in the passenger seat, she was wondering how she could possibly keep this secret from them. 

Sierra persevered and went about the morning without spilling any information, even as the other two talked about Savana's nearing due date. 

"What's the video? It can't be too strenuous." Sierra shrugged as she sipped some water. 

Savana smiled and whipped out a mid-size duffel bag, "We're going to be filming a 'What's in my diaper bag' video today because I have yet to pack anything for the hospital, and I can't bend over at all." 

"You haven't packed anything! Are you serious! You're a week away from your due date, and you have nothing ready?" Lindsay freaked out as she stood up, getting ready to do the video. 

Savana gave a weak smile, "Yeah, and I haven't packed a bag for me either, so we're going to film that, too." She dragged the last O and patted her belly. 

"No better time than the present," Sierra sighed, accepting how she could easily get side-tracked with everything that's been going on, "Let's get up and going, then." 

As they filmed, Savana was smiley and excited for it all. She loved packing to go on trips, and this was the trip of a lifetime. She got to leave with Michael and Elise, and come back with one more. 

The three packed everything she could've possibly needed for the baby: diapers, wipes, clothing for baby, and blankets to name a few items. 

Savana grabbed a few small bottles of ready-to-use formula bottles, along with a few nipples and started to pack them. She said everything she was packing, but it threw Sierra and Lindsay off a bit. 

"And that's my diaper bag! Hopefully the next time you see me, I have a lil' baby in my arms!" She ended the video and began the upload to her laptop. 

Lindsay still couldn't really get over the formula bottles. She figured Savana would want a baby on her as soon as humanly possible, yet she packed so many. "Hey, why'd you pack so much formula? I thought you'd want to-" 

"It's not really a big issue for me. I've never wanted to breastfeed, and I know a lot of people have an issue with that, but I just never wanted to. Even now that I'm pregnant and about to have her, I don't feel the desire to." Savana shrugged, eyes not peeling away from her screen, "It can be hard for some mothers and I understand that. It's heartbreaking for them because they want that bond with their baby that no one else can give them. I feel that I have that bond already. I'm their one and only mother. No one else can give them that." 

Sierra found it confusing, "But it's something special." 

"Everyone I've ever met who has breastfed has horror stories about things that have happened. They say all of it then use the guise that it's a beautiful thing. I don't understand that. I'm not worried about not bonding or anything, and I don't want to be confined to the baby's feeding schedule. If I'm busy for whatever reason, Michael can feed them." Savana dropped her hands, "Mothers get all the advantages of bonding. The experience of pregnancy, breastfeeding, and sometimes babies are only comfortable being held by their mother. The relationship I had with my dad was incredible and I don't want my babies missing out on that because I focused solely on mother-child bonding. We were bonded the second she implanted, which sounds odd, but it's how I feel about it." 

They both took that as an acceptable answer, but wanted to know more about what her plans are for the birth. "When she finally does make her grand appearance, are you gonna hold her immediately?" 

"Oh, no. No no no," Savana shook her head with disgust as she continued editing, "All of that nasty liquid and blood, nuh-uh."

Lindsay figured that'd be her answer. She never liked things being germy or unnecessarily wet. 

Sierra knew this was going to be the best moment of her life, but she felt like Savana was going to miss out on so much.