DISCLAIMER: This is something that has been sitting on my mind for quite some time and it is an unedited 1st draft. I don't really know where I'm going, so feel free to let me know what you think (just joking, be kind, please).
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*two months after Ömer left*
Two lines.
Two. Lines.
It seems like such a little thing, just a small drawing on a stick that changes life as you know.
She kept staring at the little white stick as if it held all the answers of the universe. How could this have happened? She had a period. She didn't understand.
What was she going to do?
Defne braced her hand on the table to steady herself. Raw panic threatened to eat her alive because she had never felt so dizzy before.
She was going to have a baby. Ömer's baby. Allah Allah.
Right on cue she felt lightheaded again. She was in shock. In spite of Ömer's belief that nothing was going to happen that day they had an accident with the condom, she was pregnant. How could they let that happen?
And she had her period! She was sure of it. She just could not remember when it was exactly, but she did. She thought everything was okay downstairs... And then after everything that's happened, her period was really the last thing on her mind. Oh, what was she going to do?
Her family... she could already imagine all of their reactions. They were going to disown her, at least. Cancelling a wedding like they did was already a blow on them, and now this.
And Ömer... He would want to do the best for the baby. Would he want to marry her now? Would he think she planned this? There's really no telling what his reaction would be at this point, but she knew this: she would hate it if he married her for the baby's sake.
She didn't want to say out loud that it was really bad timing because she always thought that a child is huge a blessing, but oh what a mess...
He didn't love her anymore, and it was all her fault.
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She needed a plan. She called Iso and asked him to meet her for breakfast. He said he was going to check on her in the morning anyway so meeting for a meal was even better in his opinion. He also said he was glad she was willing to leave the house. He thinks she is finally beginning to get on with her life after Ömer left for God knows where. He believes she's getting better.
He was wrong. And he was right. She felt numb before calling him.
In a way, she felt strangely better. Slightly.
And she would get better, only she would not be doing it for herself, she'd be doing it for her baby.
Their baby.
She sat on her bed and called Ömer's number once again almost mecanically. It had been two months since she tried to call. He never answered, and it wasn't different this time. A choked sob of pain escaped her silently, he would be in disbelief that he had not foreseen this event, that they were not more careful. He once told her you cannot plan everything in life, but you should try your best to plan your family in the best way you can, because life is unpredictable enough.
Sick with apprehensions that she had refused to face head on, she didn't even noticed she was crying before she looked at herself in the mirror. She clumsily wiped at her swollen eyes and got up. She had more plans to make.
How did everything change so quickly? She still dreamt of them walking down the aisle so so happy...
He used to call her every day. And now he could not bring himself to answer one of her calls. She'd be a fool to keep trying to throw herself willingly in his life after everything. Well, she had no choice now, had she? She was so stupid to give him her heart for him to keep. In her heart of hearts she always knew things would end like this.
In his eyes, what she did was unforgivable. And at the time she agreed with him. Her eyes squeezed shut on a shuddering spasm of anguish. She thought it was all over. She was sure she would never see him again.
Men plan, God laughs, they say. Well, they were certainly right.
Her small hand spread protectively over her no long concave stomach. No, she thought, he would definitely see her again. It wasn't his choice anymore. It wasn't even hers.
She didn't know when, but if he didn't bother to give her even one conversation, she would write to him. What she won't do is give up trying to tell him herself. She would not call Sinan. This was going to be in her own terms. This was going to be hard enough without having to see any sort of pity in everyone's eyes.
Ömer was going to hate it if he doesn't learn the news soon and misses out on anything important.
Well, good.
He had begun to lose her loyalty the second she found out she was carrying his child. Every instinct told her that he would see the news as a calculated betrayal on her part, no doubt. That was his prerrogative, she was not the one putting off talking to him, he has only himself to blame and she was going to make sure he hears that.
He was not important to her anymore. He wasn't.
They say if you tell a lie many times, it'll turn out to be truth somewhere along the road. That was her plan, and she was sticking to it. When you're stuck during your life, there comes a time when you have to choose to finish the chapter or simply write another book.
