WHEN IT ENDS || Jason McCann Fictional Story||

10.~|I Wish|~

Songs for this chapter:

Camouflage
by Selena Gomez

Raindrops(an angel cried)
by Ariana Grande

Mark My Words
by Justin Bieber

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The next day, I prevent myself from going out of the room I am supposedly to call 'mine'. And so do I do that for the next fifteen days.

Fifteen days.

For fifteen days, I've kept myself locked in that room. I refused to go out because I simply didn't want to face him or encounter another bothersome conversation with him.

It's funny how things have turned out. A year ago, I would've given anything to be in the same room as him or hold a conversation. Now, it's just the complete opposite. Huh.

It's not that I don't prefer to be near him anymore. Like the pitiful pathetic creature I am, despite my valid reason for wanting to be as far away as possible from him at the moment, I still have a part of me poking at my nerve cells to walk over to the door next room and knock politely and wait for the person inside to come out before I apologize for my hostility and break down into- no, no tears. I promise, there will be no tears. I've lived without shedding any in front of my mother's rude remarks, I've lived through without them while my sister threw every kind of sharp pain and supported my mother in her own agenda to prove me worthless. And I've lived through the other negativities and unreasonable insults coming my way- including my ongoing issue with psychological disorders that I didn't tell anyone about- without even thinking of doing it. So, there's no way I can't control them this time, right?

I just have to act and put on my best show till date. I just have to pretend and appear as much unaffected as I can manage. I don't know how long I'll be able to put up my façade before I crack and snap at him for lying. The one thing I feared for his words to be. Lying. Again.

God, I want to trust him, I really want to. But every time I do, it's just- there's always a new lie waiting in line, only to be thrown at my way when I least expect it. Why does he lie then?

He can simply just slap a "Sorry, kid, you're too young for me" sticker behind my back and spare me the pain he's causing here. To both of us. Me- most obvious reason- because he won't tell me anything truthfully and my curiosity will get the guts inside of me to burn holes in my skin.

I haven't told anyone about my defects- mostly because I noticed nobody cared enough to observe the countless giveaways of depression I showed. People who know me- to the initial few out of countless layers I posses- can pretty much guess that I'd never discuss about my own troubles and difficulties with my parents. It's just of no use- just a petty waste of my energy and time- both of my parents and myself. It's not like I never wanted to- I did drop a few hints here and there during our mild conversations, and I probably even showed that some certain mental issues were bothering me. Extremely bothering me. They paid little to no heed to it most often than not- after all, it was all my excuse to be the centre of attention- they said.