WHEN IT ENDS || Jason McCann Fictional Story||

24.~|Ridiculous|~

Songs for this chapter:

Sad
by Maroon 5

The Most
by Miley Cyrus

Happy Face
by Tate McRae

Chasing Thunder
by Kesha

________________________________________________

Jason's Perception

There's an interesting trait in a rare amount of people who don't know how to guide their life. First, they have nothing, nothing at all in their life to care for and so, they just go around doing whatever they please to do. They might even do terrible things to others only to entertain themselves.

Because why?

Because they just don't care.

They don't have to worry about anything happening around them, except for not letting people know about the reason for their casualties. Their loneliness. The reason why they are so... careless and ... most often, a jerk. To almost everyone around them.

Almost everyone.

That is until they meet someone worth bettering themselves for. Someone who makes you want to give up all your ego, all your arrogance and conceitedness. They find themselves daydreaming about having a good life with that person by their side. And all they want to do is to be near that person, pour out all their feelings, their gratitude and their emotions towards that person and tear down their walls which took years to be constructed with rudeness, cruelty, vileness, ignorance and a huge ass ego. It's almost as if he's been given something, or someone to care for and to love with all their heart, only to be left with nothing again when that person is taken away.

And the hurt that comes after? That is more painful than all the punishments they deserve for all their past sins out of carelessness.

And when they finally have the chance to better themselves for that certain person, they blow it. They blow it big time and all that because of, once again, their ego. I kept reminding myself always that I'm not weak or have a fragile spot in me. Because where I come from, a caring and loving character is something that strangely, a person has to be ashamed of. I never approved the concept, but I couldn't stand up against it because I was new to the community and my opposing voice would surely be nothing but laughed at. So I followed whatever policy they had and now, I'm what they turned me into. A rude, cruel f*beep*up to the core who is although so badly lost in the thought of a certain someone, but he can't even risk taking a step to turn the thought into reality because he's afraid he might lose his reputation as a seriously dangerous criminal.

Grow some big balls

It's not that easy to make a choice between her and everything I've built throughout these years. It's either "Give up your goddamn rep" or "Go tell her how much you f*beep*ing care about her". Some people might think that it's easy to make it work, choosing both of them. But not in this situation. Because here, you only risk her life if she's involved in your reputation.