WHEN IT ENDS || Jason McCann Fictional Story||

23.~|How Are You So Sure?|~

Songs for this chapter:

I don't wanna love
A Great Big World

Wasn't Expecting That
by Jamie Lawson

Think
by Adam Lambert

If I Can't Have You
by Shawn Mendes

All I Want
by Kodaline

This Town
by Niall Horan

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Jason's Perception

Alfredo gives me a sympathetic look when I uncover my bloodshot eyes and decide to take a look where we are. He's driving and we're heading home. Without her.

I failed.

I failed to bring her with me. I failed to save her. I failed to take responsibility for what is mine to hold responsibility for just because I'm afraid to show my weakness. And never before did I fail in my job, let alone take it personal when I fail. My house, which I looked forward to calling her home, will be nothing more than just a house. It won't have its mistress and I won't have my weakness in it to protect.

Wait, no. No, no, Elise is not its mistress. And she definitely isn't my weakness. She's just. . . she's just a friend whom I'm liable to protect because I brought her into this mess with me. That's all she is. Yes, that's all she is to me.

"How are you doing?" Regardless of how mad at me he was for saying all those things about her, he still asks, to make sure I'm okay. You really can't get a better friend than Alfredo.

"I'm. . .fine. Yeah, I'm fine," I sound like I'm trying to convince myself more than I tell him. "I just need a moment to. . . just to get a grip on myself."

One can be all rough and tough in front of the whole world, to not show any lack of strength, or one's sensitive spot just for the sake of holding their image. But when it comes to being rough and tough in front of people who've known you practically your whole life and who's seen you at your worst, there's really no need to put up a front. No matter how hard you try to hide yourself in front of them, they know what's happening in your head. Because they know what holds importance to you and what doesn't, and with that knowledge, they just know how you're doing. Yet, they still ask, to make sure you're okay, you're not plotting some way to hurt yourself because you hurt someone else.

Samantha was such a person to me. But so was Alfredo, even before I opened up to her. And for his own reasons, even after Samantha left, Fredo has stayed. Which brings us to this, my denying whether I'm truly doing fine or not —because I know what that guy thinks of when I say something's wrong.

"So, are you going to get her back?" He doesn't look away from the road. "To make sure that Alex doesn't get to threaten you, that is."

Ah, Fredo. Just knows how I like it, curt and delusional, despite the reality being otherwise.