fAt girl

Truth

Hello there avid readers who have been waiting years for an update! Well if you're still with me here's what we've all been waiting for. I am honestly shocked at the success of this work and how much popularity it has gained. I want to thank you all for you're love and support through this entire process. But you're not here to here me drone on about any of this so let's find out how Ava is doing. 

My love, 

Broken_girl

* * *

Ava felt numb. Like someone had put her in a giant freezer for the last week. This woman was a shrink she could see right through Ava's posture and her demeanor, Ava's thoughts were no longer her own. She felt naked and exposed, she wanted to scream, she wanted to cover herself, she wanted the emotions she felt to stop drowning her for one minute so she could take the long breath her lungs craved. 

A single tear spattered in her lap. She wasn't crying out of sadness. It was the pressure that had been building up inside of her for weeks. Everything that she had been packing down deeper and deeper into the tombs of her mind, it all came to the surface in the form of tears. The betrayal of her own body was wet on her face.  

The doctor said nothing, her face pinched in between her odd brows as she fiddled for a tissue, which Ava stubbornly took. She squeezed out a small 'yes' before blotting at her face. She took a calming breath and dove head first into therapy. "Yes, you're right. I love my father... Well Martin. I love Martin. He's the man who raised me... He did everything for me. Everything."

Dr. Darneski nodded empathetically, her eyes silently prodding Ava to continue. Something about this young girl sparked an old memory of her youthful self and her own personal struggles as a teenager. Dr Darneski felt a pang of responsibility for Ava. Surely, after meeting her mother and the deliberations that had been in the works prior to Ava coming here the doctor was more than aware of how Julianne affected her daughter. The strain that the relationship between the two of them was slowly killing the love between them; well not to mention the lack of relationship before all this. 

Dr. Darneski regained her focus on Ava and made a rolling motion with her hand. "Go on, tell me more about Martin."

Ava's first reaction was to be stubborn and to deny this doctor but that only lasted for a for a moment before Ava found herself projecting her emotions out of her mouth. Maybe she would regret this later. But later was later. And she would deal with it then. 

"My mother has never really been around. I guess you could say she's not really a typical mom. I don't think she ever has been. When I was really little and I would come home from school, it was never there, and I was fine with that. My dad- I mean, Martin would always fetch me from the bus and ask about my day. It wasn't till I went to school one day and we had this discussion about our families and how everyone's is different that everything changed for me." Ava let out a sigh that turned more into a groan. The memory still felt devastating. 

"What happened at school?"

"Eloise talked about how she was adopted and had two dads; then Danny told the class about his single mom and the way he talked about her..." Ava trailed of losing herself in the flashback. 

Dr. Darneski shifted in her seat. All of her conversations with Julianne had led her to the conclusion that Julianne was unaware that she was the problem. Weeks after weeks of sessions had taught her that Julianne was not the mother type. Julianne had never wanted children, it had never been the life she envisioned for herself. But when the accident happened she was obligated to step up and to be the parent. This session with Ava was giving her clues to the other side of the story. Everything made sense. "Tell me about Danny and his mom."

Ava's bones rattled, the ring on her finger slid off and fell onto her pants as she fidgeted with her hands, she could feel the perspiration on her lower back. "She made him french toast on Monday. Every Monday so he could start the week off right. She would pick him up from school. She had this cool job that let her leave early to go and get Danny from school. She stayed home with him when he was sick. Danny's mom did everything. She reminds me a lot of Martin. That's when I realized that my mom was not really a mom at all."

The words wouldn't stop now. "After that it didn't matter where I went, I compared everyone else's mother to my own. I hoped that it wasn't just me. I looked and I wished that someone else had a terrible mom. But I never found that."

"Tell me about the car accident and how your relationship with your mother has been since." Dr. Darneski poked more at the weakened wall Ava had sheltered her raw remorse with. 

Ava's eyes fluttered, more tears splashed down her cheeks. "My mother isn't someone I trust. She brought me here to you. To talk about all of this. She doesn't known how to listen, she doesn't understand me, she doesn't make anything better. And since the accident I found out that she lied to me. My birth certificate has another man's name on it. She never told me. She is nothing like Martin."

Ava chokes on her sob. Another tissue is passed her way. "She makes me feel ugly. She's this absolute twig who eats nothing but salad and chicken and then there's me. Look at us! I don't look like I should be her daughter! All her comments over the years about my weight. She doesn't know what it's like to look in the mirror and hate yourself. My dad never made me feel like I was anything less that perfect. I want to scream at her to just eat a burger, eat cookies, eat ice cream! EAT SOMETHING!"

The room is silent after the healthy chaos that spilled from between Ava's lips. 

"How you feel isn't wrong Ava. Everything that is going through your head is completely normal. You've been through a lot. You are allowed to feel anger and sadness. I think that we have a few years of emotional baggage to unpack. I would like for you to come back for more sessions. I think this was very healthy. I want to stick with this next week if you'll agree to come back. I think you need to just tell someone, let it all out, scream if you have to." The doctor offers a small sympathetic smile. "Would you like to come back and see me?"

She nods. Ava's tears have dried. Rage has replaced them. Her eyes are narrow. Her heart feels black. "Are we done?"

Dr. Darneski jots frantic notes in her clip boards. Without looking up she returns the nod. "Yes, I think so. There was a lot today and I want you to evaluate at home and see me next week. This is a good stopping point."

Ava stands. "I have one more thing I need to say."

The doctor still does not look up from her drafts. 

"I wish it was her who got hit by that car instead."

* * *