T is for Tonks

Chapter 11 - A Crippled Man.

Tonks's back ached from her make-shift sleeping position on the wooden chair. It was just before 7 am and Tonks had awoken next to Remus, who was still asleep on the bed. She let her eyes search his body. His pallor made him synonymous with the Hogwarts ghosts. The swell on his face looked identical to that of a stinging jinx. Tonks wanted to reach out to touch Remus's cheek but thought better of it.

She had to keep reminding herself that he wasn't hers. She wasn't even sure if they would remain friends. How could they possibly get over something like this? Tonk's frowned. What if he didn't want to live with her? What if he requested a different partner at the next Order meeting? Everybody would know their business.

Remus stirred. He licked his lips and fought hard to open his eyes, taking in his surroundings. His gaze fixated on her, his lips curving into a gentle smile as if nothing had happened. Tonks felt like she had been discovered in a forbidden place, she couldn't help but blush. She thought that he looked older now than she had ever seen him. He was deflated and tired and weary.

Remus's eyes stopped on the brown paper bag that had been left on the dresser which, in all honesty, Tonks had forgotten about. She reached for the bag and set it in her lap, opening it. "I brought you somethings." She couldn't help but feel shy under his gaze. "There's some murtlap essence for your scratches. Its good stuff. I use it all the time when I graze myself falling over. I got you some clean bandages, as well. I bought some of that peanut butter chocolate from Honeyduke's because I know its your favourite. And, I brought you a muggle book by that author you like. Shakespeare." She put the bag back on the dresser, avoiding making eye contact with Remus.

"Thank you." He whispered in reply. "That's very thoughtful of you Dora."

The fact he was being nice to her made her feel even more guilty. "I believe we need to have a very uncomfortable conversation." Tonks said, sounding a lot braver than she felt.

"Yes, I think we do." He made an attempt to move from his supine position but winced. "Do you think you could-" 

"yes of course." Tonks jumped from her seat. She placed an arm around Remus's shoulders, and supported him to sit forward. His body felt like dead weight in her arms but she had managed to sit him up, taking a second to rearrange his pillows before letting him sit back again. He looked slightly more alert now. Tonks sat back onto her wooden chair, tucking her ankles below her and placing her hands on her lap like a school girl. 

Remus smiled weakly at her. "Please don't worry, I'm not angry at you." Tonks stared at him in disbelief. "In fact, I'm surprised that Sirius hasn't scared you off, already."

She groaned. "Oh Merlin. What did he tell you?" 

Remus looked at her sympathetically. "Nothing. I ran into him, after we... after it happened, and he wanted to know why I was so upset. He said mentioned he was going to have a word with you." Tonks tucked a hair behind her ear, feeling her face go red.

"Don't worry. As soon as I have enough energy, I'm going to make him apologize to you." Remus pulled the covers closer to him. "Sirius can be very protective, but that isn't an excuse for him to talk to people in the way that he does."

Tonks nodded, not wanting to be the one to creep into forbidden territory. Things were already tense enough as it was, and they were only of the edge of the metaphorical minefield. Mercifully, Remus continued. 

"I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place here, Dora. I really like you, but i'm a monster. I'm too dangerous, and I don't want to hurt you." Remus admitted. 

"You wont-" Tonks tried to interrupt, but he continued to speak. 

"-and I could kill you. When I transform, I don't recognize human beings. I just see them as prey. There would be absolutely nothing stopping me from hurting you." Remus looked down at the bandages and scratches on his body. "Isn't this proof enough?"

"But Remus-" Tonks began to interject. The fact that the man was being so calm and so logical made Tonks frustrated.

"Please let me talk, Dora. If you came to any harm because of me, I'd hate myself. You understand, if we were together we couldn't have children. There is nothing to say that the werewolf gene isn't hereditary. You should be with a man who can give you everything. I don't want to be with you knowing that I couldn't make you truly happy."

Tonks tried to formulate a response, but she was distracted at the fact that Remus just hinted was already mentioning children. "But, there's no literature that can provide evidence to support that lycanthropy can be passed down. It can only be passed on if someone gets bitten."

"Yes, but we don't know that for sure." Remus furrowed his brows in frustration. "Besides, you know how the Wizarding community view werewolves. You're one of the best Aurors The Ministry has to offer, you cant put your job on the line because you have a werewolf boyfriend."

Crossing her arms stubbornly, Tonks replied. "As long as Mad-eye is still around, I hardly think that will happen. Even so, Kingsley is the head of the department. No one would dare be discriminatory with the boss around."

Tonks could see that he was chipping away at Remus's defenses. She didn't think he would be able to resist her much longer. 

"I'm far too old for you. I'm too poor." Remus said weakly, even he couldn't help but smile at his futile attempt of an argument.

"I couldn't care less." Tonks wanted a way to show him that it really didn't matter to her. She wished she could snap her fingers and he would understand.

"Dora. You're young and beautiful. The age difference between us makes me feel a little perverse. I'm sure you're more than capable of finding yourself a nice young gentleman, who doesn't have a furry little problem each month." Remus's blue eyes were calm but penetrating. 

Tonks raised an eyebrow at him. "Can't you understand that I want to be with you? Regardless of the age gap which, by the way, there is nothing wrong with." Her voice rose in frustration. "The first time we met, I cut myself and you were the first person to jump up and help me. I refuse to believe that you're a monster, Remus."

"You'll get bored of me."

Tonks crossed her arms. "Try me."

Silence echoed off of the 4 walls of the room as the pair did noting but stare at each other standoffishly. Sighing, Tonks said. "Look Remus, if you really don't want to be with me, then don't. But I'm not going to ask you again."

Remus shut his eyes and twisted his face though he was in pain. "I do. I do want to be with you." His expression softened as he looked Tonks in the eyes.

Carefully, she moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Tonks couldn't deny the relief she was feeling, but she didn't want to get excited prematurely, in case Remus decided to let her down again. "I'm sorry, Dora. I've never really felt like this about anybody before. Not in this way."

Tonks twisted a strand of her hair between her two fingers. "Neither have I." she whispered.

Licking his lips, Remus stared at Tonks and grinned goofily. "I don't even know where to begin." In all fairness, during his time at Hogwarts he had managed to score himself a couple of dates, but he hadn't had a long lasting relationship since most women didn't like being lied to. Not that Remus had any other choice, he couldn't just announce that he was a werewolf. 

"How about you ask me on a date?" Tonks teased, looking amused. She finally allowed herself to tap into that excitement that was beginning to bubble in her chest. 

Using the arm that wasn't bound to his chest in a sling, Remus took Tonks's hand into his own. Bringing her knuckle to his lips, he kissed it tenderly. "It would honor me greatly, if you would join me for a date, Dora." 

Tears pricked at the inner corner of Tonks's eyes, as she sat there, smiling and staring like an idiot. All she could bring herself to do was nod stupidly. Merlin, she was so screwed. Remus chuckled, his grin matching her own. His eyes locked with hers, gold flecks shimmering giving away his lupine secret. Guilty, His gaze strayed to her delicate pink lips, and returned back to lock with her own metallic blue eyes. 

The universe, naturally, had it against the pair. Of course it did. There was a knock at the door, interrupted their moment rather rudely.

A plump witch with a haze of ginger hair popped her head into the room. "Oh Remus dear, You're awake." Molly bustled in, seemingly unabashed to find the pair sharing an intimate moment. 

"Tonks, I was just knocking on your door. No wonder you didn't answer. I just came to tell you both that Mad-eye had called for an Order Meeting tonight. How are you feeling?" Molly rocked on the balls of her feet, with a wide grin on her face. 

Remus shared a fond look with Tonks. "I'm feeling much better, thank you Molly." 

The woman beamed at the pair. "Good! That's good." She beamed. Tonks felt her cheeks burn. "If you two need anything, I'll be downstairs. Don't hesitate to shout me." 

"We wont". The pair said in unison. Tonks wished that Molly would leave. She loved the woman to bits but she really wished that she could be alone with Remus. 

Molly winked at them. "I'll make sure to keep Sirius busy." With the largest smile on her face, she left, shutting the door behind her. 

Letting out the laughter she was holding, Tonks deflated onto Remus's chest. "Ow. Pain." 

She jumped up, still laughing uncontrollably. "Sorry Rem." 

He smiled, making lines gather near his eyes. "No worries." He was mildly aware that he was still shirtless, he wondered if she was thinking about that too. "Before we were rudely interrupted-"

Tonks decided to live in the moment, no time like the present. She leaned forward and connected their lips in a loving kiss. She tried her hardest not to lean on Remus, or to irritate his already swollen face. Their kiss wasn't rushed or sloppy, it was perfect. It made Tonks's insides melt. She smiled against his lips as she felt Remus let out a content sigh.

Strangely enough, she had the feeling that today was not going to be a productive one.