Phoebe's journal. #Project Nigeria

Red,red,red.

If I was asked to describe you with a color,
I'd say red.
Red out of love,red because of the way I bled.
I had bruises and scars all over,but I stayed.
I stayed because,"Red,red,red; I was so in love with you."

The first time you laid your hands on me,
I saw white,then red
"Red,red,red; I was in pain and I bled."
I was slowly crawling into the abyss.
But then you held me and cried and said you didn't mean it.
You said you were sorry and that you needed me back.
I felt your tears on my cheek.
So warm,I thought they were genuine.
You screamed and called out to me to come back to you.
The devil probably heard your wails.
So he shut the gates and I couldn't get in.
He probably thought this wasn't enough and that I had to suffer more and die a more painful death.
I had to go back to you.
I knew I was going to suffer more
But I couldn't leave except death took me
And I didn't know why.

"Red,red,red; I was in love with you."
I thought you'd change,
And you'd apologize,
And then we'd go back to normal.
But you never stopped.
You never changed.

I'd never forget when you held my neck and threw me against the wall.
"Red,red,red; I bled."
I was dying
But I couldn't leave.
No!
"Red,red,red; I was in love with you!"

I was blinded by love.
Thought it was surely bound to bring pain.
"You probably had a bad way of showing how you loved me. Everyone makes mistakes." I thought.

The last time was when you stabbed me.
I woke up in the hospital.
Momma said I had been asleep for 2 days.
She cried,I cried too.
"Red,red,red; I almost bled to death."

So I made up my mind.
I was going to leave.
Going to leave because,
"Red,red,red; I loved you but I loved myself more."

You cried and pleaded.
And as I slowly walked away, I didn't want to look back.
But then I turned and looked at you.
I saw your broken form.
I almost ran to you, ALMOST.
But I knew better.

A month later,
You were found dead in the basement.
In your suicide note,
You blamed and cursed me.
You said you became lonely after I left.
And you couldn't cope.
There was no one to pour your anger on.
You said you weren't sorry for torturing me because I deserved it.
But you didn't expect me to leave,
Because,
"Red,red,red; I was blinded by my love for you."
You said you didn't have anything left to live for.
And so you killed yourself because you knew it would torment me.
You promised to show up in my dreams.
You promised to never let me rest.

I burnt your suicide note.
Then I climbed into my bed at night
And cut my veins open.
And so I bled.
I regret ever loving you.
"Red,red,red; I bled till my death."

                        Orobosa 💜💜