You know,
Most times when I'd sit like this with nothing to do,
I can't help but think of you.
You see, that's why I hate opening Dad's room door to greet him in the morning cos I see another woman with a totally different smile from yours and it hurts and I can't help but think of you.
Or when it's time for breakfast and we'd be having rice. I think of how you'd have decided to fry puff puff and make hot sweet tea Momma.
Or when it's night time and there's no one to join I and Dad's laughter when watching wrestling. I think of that bubbly laughter of excitement you'd always scream out.
Or when I feel so lonely and then I looked at that picture of you hung in the parlour. The one in which you smiled so brightly. I'd smile too with teeth fully open exactly like you would.
The worst is when I look into the mirror and all I see is a replica of you. Most times I feel like inflicting any form of injury or cut to my face. But I'm happy you know?
There's this selfish joy I feel whenever I smile at dad or wear any of your clothing and then he's like ,"You look just like your mum." Your place is taken physically but not in our hearts though. So I'm happy Daddy sees you through me.
I don't know. But I'm happy I do not see you in my dreams anymore. Cos it'd have meant that I'd wake up angry every morning. I'd wake up totally pissed that I'm still alive. You know that feeling to just sleep and not wake up right? You'd get it more than anyone else.
But you know, there's a lot I have to live for.
The day we'd meet is far. But hold on for me yeah? I'm holding on for you too. God be with us. God be with you wherever you are 💖.
Orobosa 💜
YOU ARE READING
Phoebe's journal. #Project Nigeria
De Todolet's just say there's a girl named Phoebe with a whole long string of thoughts. She expresses her pains, her dreams and her desires in her journal... She doesn't mind if strangers read it.. It was made for strangers actually... Pls read on. Don't...
