Music To My Ears || A TsukkiYama Fanfiction || ORIGINAL

|Twelve|

TW: Self harm

Tsukishima's P.O.V
One Week Later

     Since Tadashi returned from Hong Kong, life has turned into a fine line between pleasure and pain. With each step I take, thoughts flood through my head. I can't stop thinking of every possibility. How each action and outcome can effect something as simple as the way the wind blows. Like a tornado, my thoughts swirl around and are sweeped up by anxiety and panic.

     I sit in class, doodling on the margins of my paper. I wasn't really paying attention. It was all empty busywork. And so, with nothing meaningful left to do, I thought. Like a flame, a lit candlewick burning bright. The candlewax fueling the heart of its desire and its curiosity. I thought, diving fdeeper into each question that grazed my mind.

     And with a simple puff of air, the flame dies out. I thought of a question. A question I didn't dare try to answer, yet my brain wouldn't let the topic drop, like a boat being tied to the docs by thick coils of rope.

     What is death like?

     I closed my eyes and shook my head a few times, trying to get rid of the bitter pain being inflicted on my emotions and mentality. I raised one of my shaky hands to capture Sensei's attention.

     "Yes, Tsukishima?" He asked.

     "M-May I use the restroom?" I asked, not being able to keep my voice from breaking. He nodded, and I quickly shot out of my seat and ran to the bathroom. I opened the door and locked myself in one of the stalls, putting my head in my hands. Shaky breaths moved past my lips as I tried to calm myself down.

     "It's okay. It's okay. It's okay." I whispered. I'd thought of this topic many times before, but I never truly felt the impact of uncertainty hit me this hard. But it was just like any other anxiety attack. I just need to find a way to keep my mind off the emotional pain. I do that by replacing it with a physical pain instead.

     I know it's unhealthy and dangerous, but nothing else ever helps me. Countless anxiety medications being prescribed, each one just as dull as the last. None of them ever work. So, I found a more effective and temporary way to calm myself down.

     I reach into my back pocket and draw a thin, tiny strip of sharp metal. The blade has dulled a bit, but I suppose it's for the better. I think for a moment before tugging at the fabric of my pants, exposing my hip a bit. The metal glides across my skin, like a wave crashing into the banks and leaving red water behind.

     I put the metal back in my pocket and waited for some of the blood to clot before walking back outside. My mind was stuck on the stinging of my hip, leaving no room for me to think of anything else.

     It's okay for now. Right?

Time Skip

     I walked down the sidewalk to Tadashi's house. He hasn't come to school since he got back, and it's quite understandable. His father was one of the brightest souls in his life.

     I knocked on the door ever so softly, waiting. There was some shuffling behind the door and a click. The door gently creaked open to reveal a lanky, green haired boy. He had dark circles under his eyes and his skin wasn't the beautiful tan it used to be, but it's alright. It doesn't mean I love him any less.

     "Tsukki!" He cheered. I smiled and ruffled his unkempt hair, pulling him into a hug. "I didn't think you'd be here today."

     "When do I ever pass up the opportunity to see you?" I scoffed. Tadashi chuckled in response and grabbed my hand, pulling me inside. I smiled at the familiar warmth his home always provided.