Voir Dire (N.H.)

twenty nine

Niall couldn't help but feel out of place.

As he sat in the near silent waiting room, surrounded by mother's cradling their baby bumps, holding hands with their partners beside them, and chasing after children, he began to wonder how he'd ended up in this place, sat beside Krystal as they awaited her very first OB appointment.

His palms were sweating, which probably had something to do with the fact that with every passing minute this became more and more real. He was going to be a father. In six short months he would have a child; a miniature version of him staring back at him.

It wasn't that Niall didn't want to be a father. He'd always pictured it as part of his future. Chasing a giggly toddler around the living room. Kicking a soccer ball back and forth in the green grass of his backyard. He'd even envisioned himself changing a few smelly diapers. But when he'd imagined it, it had always been with someone he loved beside him. A child created because he loved someone so much that he couldn't wait to bring another person into their life together. He'd never thought he'd become a father in this way- knocking up his fake girlfriend in a one night stand because both of them were lonely.

Niall looked over at Krystal. She was twirling a piece of her long blonde hair around her finger, over and over again, her eyes fixated on the blank beige wall in front of them. She hadn't said a word since Niall had picked her up this morning, well, except for a very soft 'Krystal Hoffman' to the lady at the front desk. Niall knew that for every ounce of fear he had in his body, the number was a thousand-fold in Krystal's. This wasn't what she'd planned either. She was supposed to be getting ready to land her first acting gig, not preparing to have her life changed forever by a child.

He reached his hand out, placing it on top of hers with a reassuring squeeze. Krystal turned her head and gave him the smallest of smiles, but Niall saw right through it. Her eyes revealed that she's just as terrified as she was when she broke the news to Niall almost four weeks ago.

******************

After their "hook-up", Niall chose to act like it never happened, and lucky for him, Krystal chose the same stance. Maybe they'd both realized it was a poor decision, made in a vulnerable, emotional moment. Things returned to normal for a few weeks, they went on their last few PR dates, they maintained their friendship, and Niall still  returned home at night feeling like his life was in shambles. The light at the end of the tunnel was that the end of the contract was in sight. The promo was done, the concerts sold-out, all that remained was one final blockbuster-worthy break-up to get Niall that last ounce of publicity.

But then something changed. One day Krystal was cracking jokes with Niall as they walked down Rodeo Drive hand in hand; three days later she was nearly mute, speaking only when absolutely necessary. She seemed unfocused- like her mind was in an entirely different place than her body. He'd tried probing her, thinking that maybe she'd talk to him about it- the boy that was on her mind or the audition she was stressed about . Instead he was answered with a sharp "It's nothing. I'm fine" and the most forced smile he'd ever seen.

Niall attributed it to the nerves of this all ending. He told himself that Krystal was simply looking into auditions, trying to find her next step after the split from Niall. Niall didn't even consider the idea that there was something bigger eating her up inside. Much bigger.

"We need to talk," Krystal said one evening on a PR sighting out to dinner, her eyes shifting to look out the window.

"Go ahead, I'm listening," Niall laughed. They were talking. That's all they'd been doing at this table where a few paparazzi had come to take some pictures. The media had died down slightly, perhaps because the newness of Niall and Krystal had faded. Perhaps they were on to the next celebrity couple- at least for the time being.