Am I Still The One?

Chapter 20

Ken's POV

I feel like I'm floating. I opened my eyes and yes, I literally am. Thaddeus is carrying me on his arms. "What happened?"

"I found you in the library."

"Nakatulog ako?"

"Oo. A-anyayahan sana kita na mag-dinner kaya umakyat ako rito. And then, I saw you were asleep, uncomfortably leaning on the shelf. I saw a book and a letter, but I guess it's confidential so I didn't read it."

"Where is it?"

"Nilagay ko sa drawer ni Chandler. Why? May mali ba akong nagawa?"

"Wala, ayos lang. Thanks anyway."

"No problem, ikaw pa ba? Binuhat na kita ah? Mahirap maglakad, paano ka nga pala naka-akyat dito?"

"I am not paralyzed, Thad. Kaya ko naman, dahan dahan lang kasi mahina pa ang mga ito."

"You should have asked me, I'll help you."

Pagkasabi niya na tutulungan niya ako ay naalala ko 'yung idea ko kagabi bago ako nakatulog. Kagabi nga ba? I looked at my watch, it's 2 am in the morning.

"Thad, puwede mo na ako ibaba." Saad ko.

"Kaya mo ba?"

"Oo."

"Okay." Dahan-dahan niya akong ibinaba at tinulungan akong tumayo.

"Salamat."

Bigla naman akong muntikan na bumagsak. Buti na lang ay napigilan ni Thad ang aking pagkabagsak.

"Are you sure you can? A-alalayan kita." He looped his right arm around me and held my waist. Then, he also put my left arm on his shoulder and we started to walk.

"Thank you. Uh, Thad?"

"Yes?"

"May pagkain pa ba?" Tanong ko habang bumababa kami ng hagdan.

"Oo pero nasa refrigerator na. Are you hungry? I'll heat it up for you."

"I think I am."

"Of course, nakakapagod talaga umiyak."

"Hindi ako umiyak!"

"Really? Bakit may tuyo pang mga luha diyan sa mukha mo?"

"Hindi ko alam basta hindi ako umiyak!"

"Sabi mo 'e."

Narating na namin ang baba. Tinulungan niya akong sumakay sa wheelchair. Then, i-tinulak na niya ang wheelchair ko patungo sa kwarto ko.

I guess, I have a lot of walking today. La-lakas na rin itong mga buto ko.

My stomach crumbled. Thad laughed. "Dito ka muna, dadala-hin ko na lang ang mga pagkain dito." Tinulungan niya ako tumayo at umupo sa kama ko.

"Thanks again, Thad." He exited the room with big steps.

Tama ang oras na ito para mag-isip, tutulungan niya kaya ako?

Would I be a big problem to him? I may involve him furthermore in my problem, which is wrong. It will seem like I'm abusive of his kindness.

But I badly need him with my pulled-up act. We need to be together all the time, so that I could drive Chan away from me. Then, he'll move on. I'm sure of it, he'll move on.

After half an hour, I can see Thad carries a tray full of food. I know he really heated it up because the smoke is rising over those.

Finally, he put the foods on the bed table and gave me the spoon. "These were the dinner I also ate. A crab and corn soup and pizza. I call the pizzeria's delivery landline, thinking you might like pizza yesterday."

"I'm beyond thankful to you, Thad. I'm sure these are delicious."

"Of course, I made those."

"Exactly." I assented.

I scooped some and indeed, Thad's cooking skills are still in him.

After finishing up the foods, Thad brought the dishes back to the kitchen sink. I thought of my idea while I was eating until now. I think I should ask him.

Thankfully, he came back with blankets. This is the right time to ask and know.

"Thad, do you think you can help me?"

"Help you with what?" He asked while putting the blankets on my side.

"To help me with," I started and tell him the whole story.

He looked away, "I'll think about it. Do you want more water?"

"Yes. Think about it. It's okay what your decision will be. No hard feelings." I muttered.

He exited the room, left me thinking about his decision. Would he help me?

The case is, he's not in good terms with Chan but he's a good guy. He'll feel bad for him, for sure. Even if he doesn't tell us that, we know.

And I think of it, if Chan would see us being always together, we'll have problems and that's the time, the time that I will---though it will hurt us both---break up with him, break up with the man I love the most.

That will be a permanent pain for me until death, but I love him to the point that I could plan everything in order for him to be happy in the future. I don't want him to get old without a family. He deserves it all---a strong wife, children of his own, and a happy life. He can not just give all his life or waste his life, just because he's being faithful to me, me who's going to die in five months.

I can shoulder these all, for him.

"Ken, I had think of it." Thad said on the doorway.

"What is your decision?"

He walk forward and sat behind me. He tucked my hair behind my ear then held my cheek. He sighed, "I'll help you..."