AND THEN YOU CAME

29 회

The next day, i was really released by dad. I take this chance to quickly run to Taehyung's house, but of course he's not there anymore. The fact that they flew early in the morning made me cry again. I really didn't get to say goodbye, dad really has planned it well. I hate him.

After busy crying my lungs out at the water fountain, i go to stroll around the city to forget all these ugly things inside my mind. I eat ice cream, i eat instant noodles, i buy flowers, i do everything dad won't allow me to. I don't give a damn anymore. This is what freedom is like to me, and i'm going to fight more for that. I'm done with dad's bullshits about the business.

I didn't even get to attend my class for today anymore. When i come back tomorrow, the first place i'll go to is the rooftop. Probably i'll cry again there, but who cares. I'm literally just mourning at this rate. Everyone i love has gone for the internship. For a whole freaking year. And i didn't even get to say goodbye or good luck. Should i care about literally anything at this rate? I might even go crazy because of this.

I visit an art workshop that i happened to pass by, i try to draw something in there and i even get praises from the people around.

They ask me whether i want to bring my creation home, and of course i say yes. I end up bringing them home, and probably i'll hang it on the wall in my room.

I name it, the worst day of my life. The name is probably sucks and gives off a bad impression, but who cares? I'll get through this, and when i do, this painting will make me remember about how there's no worse days rather than today.

The day where i finally get to know what a true freedom feels like. But at the same time, nobody is there with me. I'm alone. And that is what makes it the worst day of my life. Perfect.

I take a walk around the park where Jimin and i used to visit, and i cry again there. I cry for a long long time, until some people have to ask me whether i'm fine, or whether i need a company.

I refuse. I just want to be alone.

However, i come to realize. This is the first time i've ever cried in public, with nobody around me. I don't try to hide them like usual, i just cry.

This is what freedom feels like. This is what loneliness feels like.

I'll get through this someday. Just let me mourn for today, okay? Please understand. I just lose some people i love, even though they don't die. Instead, i die.

-

It's evening. The sky starts to turn orange, and i just reached this place. Jimin's house. I don't know why i came here. My feet just brought me here somehow.

I want to see grandma, she's probably not okay too after her grandson leaves her.

Or not.

When i see her, she's watering the flowers in front of the shop with a smile on her face.

Hm, i guess i'm the only one sad here?

Grandma sees me, and she asks me to come in. We end up chatting for a long time and yes, i cry again in front of her. I can't help. I miss Jimin.

However, grandma managed to console me. I feel a little better with her company. I even eat dinner with Jimin's family in the end, and before i go home, grandma gives me a small envelope.

"Read this when you get home," she says.

Jimin's dad brings me home with his pickup truck, and on the way home, we talk a lot. From the way he brings up every topic, i know Jimin's dad is trying to distract me- or us, from talking about Jimin too much. Probably he's sad too. No matter what, Jimin is his only son. Even though it's just for a year, it's still sad.

I arrived home at nine. Dad is strangely quiet, but i can't care less. He probably feels guilty after everything he has done to me? Oh he won't. Guilt is not in his dictionary. But i don't care. I don't even want to talk to him anymore.

I take off my coat, go upstairs to my room, lock the door, and plop myself on to the bed.

I lift up the blue envelope, feeling the surface with my finger. It's written there, dear Nam Jieun. I'm too tired to read, but my heart thumps faster by just looking at it, as if it's asking me to read them now.

This must be from him.

A heavy sigh escapes from my mouth, and my eyes is beginning to tear up at the thought of him.

Finally, i decided to open the envelope, taking out the paper inside. When i unfold the paper, a long long handwritting is welcoming me, waiting for me to read the every word.

Dear Nam Jieun,

Hi. It's Jimin. This idiot doesn't know how to start a letter properly, so he's just going to write whatever is in his mind, okay? Please bear with it.

First of all, he wants to thank Nam Jieun for everything she has done to him. It's really meaningful, every one of them. He's not going to forget it.

He still remembers, it were terrible days for him. He just lost his mom. He stopped attending classes, and ended up dropping out of college. He lost hope for everything, as if they have gone along with his mom. He was so stressed out, and he didn't know how to fix his own life.

But then, he was given a scholarship invitation to her university. Despite his status as a college drop-out, he got it. He refused at first, but when he saw her in the university as he toured around, he immediately changed his mind.

When he first saw her, he knew she's going to have a special spot in his heart. Her smile when she saw her crush was adorable. The gleam in her eyes is everything. He just wants her to be happy like that everyday.

But turns out, she's not like what he expected. At first, he was shocked, and it makes him wanted to go away. But then, there's this something that didn't allow him to go. He knows this girl is having a hard time too, just like he is. So he stays. He stays, and he fell in love with her more each day.

He's grateful that she feels the same way as he is. He's grateful that she's a very strong woman so he can look up to her. He's grateful that she never leaves him, despite the fact that he has lied to her. He's grateful to have her in his life.

But in the end, he has to leave. He feels very sorry that he has to leave her alone. He wants to apologize so badly, but the fate just won't let them meet. Through this letter, he hopes that she can forgive him.

He wants her to keep remembering him. He wants her to keep loving him, as much as he does.

However, he wants her to stop waiting for him.

She deserves better. She has a very bright future ahead of her, and he won't stop that. He knows that she's a very strong woman, so he won't stop her. He knows she can be better.

He knows this is not going to be an easy journey for her, but he totally knows that she can get through this soon. Because she's a strong woman.

Before he ends this letter, he just wants her to remember one more thing.

No matter when, and no matter what happens, Park Jimin will always love you, Nam Jieun.

Love,
Park Jimin