Lost Love

.

As I'm finishing on looking at her and checking her out. She tells me " my fault my name Jay but before you decide to make det decision listen I heardju cryin , sit back down really quick ima sit witchu and talk". I started feeling a lit bit relaxing but still numb and just hurt. I sat back down though and we ended up having a deep conversation or as I should say she did.

"what's yo name ma"
I ended up frowning feeling weird mind you I'm not looking at her I was looking down the minute I sat down.
"Jayla but if you tryna hit on me you mind as well go where you just came from cuz I don't even get down like that"

"I'm sorry my fault , mane ian een onnat with chu yet , lemme stop making jokes doe but nah ion know what chu going thru but lemme tell you I done went through ah lot of shit at ah young age. I watched my own pops die in da living room , i watched my two brothers get shot outside da crib , and I walked in on ma lil sista gettin raped. I had to leave all Dey ass in Atlanta and come out here to Chicago and live it out on my own and I'm only eighteen. I've been touched on before in my days before I decided to come out to who and what I wanna be , I been bullied before all types of shit. Let me not forget to say I lost my Grandma right after ma Pops . I ain't seen my mom in years cause of she wanted to choose drugs over everything but she getting herself together now from what I been hearing from ma lil sista. So understand I know how det shit feel when you become and feel numb to shit , wanna give up cause ain't no happiness coming in ya life , getting flashbacks of feelings and plays that you wanna ignore but can't. But let me tell you ... you can jump off det bridge if you want but you gon hurt somebody who care truly about you or you can recognize ya self and understand and tell ya self you too beautiful and strong to let yo suicidal thoughts control you. It's yo decision and I'm sayin it like dis cause I know you gon make da right choice. But you can come walk wit me to ma crib so I can drive you home or actually yeen gotta choice get up ma."

I couldn't even say nothing I just sat there smiling and lifted my head up and got up. I really don't know her to be going over there and letting her drop me off but I mean she seem nice and seem like she would understand what I'm going through. I refuse to let her in though I just met her and if I didn't tell my homegirls first why would I tell some stranger.

We started walking to her house it was silence and literally like five minutes , I was confused as on why she was walking over there by where I was at and wasn't driving. I guess God was just sending his signs on through or maybe she just didn't feel like driving.

" hold on lemme go get my keys out da house real quick , matter fact come in ian even gon have you waitin outside like det". She end up saying unlocking her front door for me. " okay" I said sighing all hard.

She came out and we ended up getting in the car. She starts to play Genuwine "In those jeans". I started lowkey smiling but hiding it from her Cause I never met somebody who like the same taste as me in music not even that I think she playing this on purpose. The fact that I like Genuwine so much I ended up taking my hood off and started nodding my head and singing and jamming to it. As soon as I took my hood off I see she just started licking her lips and just over there all smiling. I really hope she took me serious when I said I don't go that lesbian or bi way , like that's literally not for me. I'm not eating nothing , ain't nobody sticking no finger up me , and yet I never did nothing with a female before. Just no I can't...

We end up getting to my house , I realized I messed up nobody supposed to know where I live , I don't want nobody knowing where I stay. Yet it's a big ole rich house but inside it's a homeless house with bomb furniture. I guess it ain't that bad if she don't know what's in the inside. I look in the front of her car I see it's about damn near 12:10. I really don't feel like going in the house I don't want to be alone but then again I don't know this girl to just be riding with her. I'm not gon show that side of me yet though.
As I'm getting ready to get out she starts trying to have a conversation.

" you something else mane" she said licking her lips just shaking her head.

" what you mean I didn't even do nothing" I responded being a little sassy.

" ight hol on chill out chill out cuz ian sayin it as ah bad thing I just ain't neva heard or seen a girl jam to some old shit like that".

" yeah you don't know me at all , look at you already thinking I'm like these other girls".

" damn yo ass is crazy hell nah mane but look you got Instagram or sum or ah Facebook or can I give you ma number".

" yeah I do but I don't got my phone on me but I can put it in yours if you'd like as a friend".

"Damn why you keep tryna put me in da friend zone Im not even on that type of time with you I don't even know you fully to even put a thought on that".

" mhmm". I said rolling my eyes smirking.

She ended up getting her phone out and I put my number in her phone and my Instagram in her phone. "I don't have a Facebook I don't use that messy app".
She started shaking her head Talkin about "tuhh".
I ended up getting out the car telling her "thank you and bye".
" no problem ima text you doe fashoo ".
I got to smirking lowkey again and went to my door. I'm peeping she still there watching me making sure I'm getting in safely.

As I get to getting in the house there go my dad on the couch
" where the hell yo fast ass been probably out sucking dick huh just a nasty hoe watch yo ass get pregnant and I'm not watching that motherfuckin baby either you better abort that bitch" .
at this  point I didn't even care to respond to him cause once again he got a bottle right up in his hand.

I ended up going inside my room and forgot I made a whole mess. I got to cleaning it up though I can't sleep in a messy room like this. As I'm fixing everything I grabbed my journal and pen and starting playing music on my tv at a low volume to set a writing vibe. I grabbed my phone off the floor luckily I ain't crack it. I just kept shaking my head realizing life is stressful but there's people who can bring joy and happiness to it even when you don't want it. I looked at my phone and see only Nyla texting me and then Kelvin as well blowing me up from another unknown number.

Nyla : hey sis , I'm just checking on you I hope you okay boo and remember you got me to talk to. Monday at least let me know What was going on these past couple of days with you or what is going on I love you goodnight. ❣️

+1 (651) 565 - 1883
So you just gon keep ignoring me huh 😂

+1 (651) 565 - 1883
Ight bitch on ma dead watch dis

+1 (651) 565 - 1883
Juss know I got somebody watching yo ass I'm done hitting yo ass up but you gon see me real soon doe bitch and whatever new nigga you got.

I just blocked that number and responded to Nyla telling her that I love her too and tomorrow I'll fill her in or at least try too. I know it'll be hard but at least Nyla cares and is trying to be here for me. It hurts that Heaven ain't have this type of energy and really just walked out but it is what it is. I took my phone of do not disturb just as when I was about to start back writing I got a notification.

" Jay Davis started following you". I'm not gon lie I went to go check her out and she got a lot of juice on there I ain't expect her page to be bussin like that. She look cute too I can't even stunt. I ended up following her back though and clicked to my home screen.

I started finally writing in my journal expressing all my emotions and feelings. Just as I got done I started feeling so tired .

Luckily It's Saturday and I ain't got school tomorrow. I didn't even do nothing but stay in room my all day same thing about to happen for tomorrow as well. I'm shutting my phone off tomorrow too I don't wanna talk to nobody for a couple days.