Don't Leave Me|| BTS

hiding doesn't make it go away

I stay at home a lot, listen to music, and think too much. So in conclusion, I deserve to take a break, get away and let them find me.

The car stays in park while I scroll through my music, I turn on a old song my grandma used to listen to. Took a deep breath and reversed the car. I wish I could drive until I was out of South Korea but I can't in particularly drive across water so Yeoeuido-dong had to do for now.

The first time he ever touched me, was at this hotel, and we shared a bed. I woke up the next morning and he was cooking in the small kitchen connected to our fancy hotel room.

"You like cold brew so I'll add some ice."

Maybe I dreamed it.

He smiled when he sat the iced coffee in front of me, and I thanked him.

I think he took that as a way of me saying that what he did was okay, and I was fine with it.

Maybe I was. At least the first time.

I pulled up to Mapo Bridge, parking at a beach near by. I pulled my hat down, my mask up, and my hood over, zipping up my jacket to block the wind and to feel smaller.

It's dark, no one will notice me, I started walking towards the side walk.

"Stop it," I pushed him away laughing.

"Watch it little boy, you're speaking to your hyung."

"You may be my Hyung but that doesn't mean shit."

He scoffed, and my smile faded a little.

"Keep taking like that and you'll get spanked."

I just looked at him.

What was I supposed to say to that?

"Try me baby," he smirked, coming in to tickle me more.

As I got closer to the bridge I started seeing the signs on the edges. I refused to look at them. I looked over the bridge, then kept walking. The street lights were dim and I could feel some officers keeping an eye on me.

"I'm just going to make you feel good. Don't worry it's not like I'm going to rape you."

I stopped, and looked over the edge.

Trigger Warning

In his studio it was different. He acted different. He was a different person.

I pushed him away when he tried to slam me against the wall. I was weak though.

I tried to call out for help before he wrapped his hand around my throat, "No one can hear you."

I gasped for air and tried anyways when he loosened his grip. Everything was a haze after this. I remember calling out for Seokjin Hyung. I called out Namjoon and Hoseok when Seokjin didn't answer. I knew none of them would, but I tried anyways.

His studio was sound proof. Just like mine.

Kidoh laid behind me, he had his hand down my pants, and his other down his. It was obvious that he was playing with himself, while he practically dry humped me. I don't think I was yelling anymore, but I could feel words escaping my mouth.

"No one actually cares, Yoongi. If they did. They would be here to save you, right?"

I stopped talking after that, letting tears flood my face.

"Sir?"

It was an amazing height from here, I looked across the water. The lights from the building in the cities acted as stars.

"Sir? Are you okay? Do you want to call someone?"

I turned around, a man in uniform stood in front of me.

"No thank you. I'm just taking a walk," I bowed and gave him a smile.

"If you need anything you know we can help you." He kept his hand gripping the walkie attached to his belt. Didn't make sense to me but I guessed it was their way to let the other officers listen in, and hear our conversation.

"No I don't need help. I'm okay. I'm sorry I scared you, I'm just taking a late walk to get fresh air. I been working all day," I reassured, my work today was watching Tangled.

"As protocol would you let me walk you to your car?"

I nodded respectfully and pointed him to my car, I didn't get very far across the bridge so he could see where it was. It was the only one parked alone.

He nodded and walked beside me until we reached the car. I bowed, as did he, and I thanked him for his worry, and reassured once more that I was fine before getting in. I started the car, and left.

Trigger Warning

I was still crying when he pushed me and dragged me to stand up. As soon as I stood he sat back down in front of me.

"Take it off."

I was confused. Did he mean my pants or my shirt?

"Take it all off."

I didn't move.

"I just want to look at you. I promise I won't touch."

"Hyung I'm not comfortable, I-"

"Stop talking. Take it off."

I took my shirt off, and I cried more when our eyes met.

"Stop crying and take it off!"

So I took it off. Everything. And I stood there like he wanted. He made a circular motion with his finger indicating he wanted me to spin.

I choked on a sob, but turned nevertheless.

All I could think is 'I'll never tell anyone'. 'I'll never tell anyone this', or what happened in this room. 'I'll never tell anyone what he made me do'.

I would never live it down if I did. I could never see anyone look at me again.

"Eventually they'll see you how I see you. Worthless and unneeded."

"Absolutely disgusting." He added but with so much pleasure in his voice it made me want to vomit.

All I could think was how I was going to get rid of and cover every single mirror when I got back to the dorm.

I'll never look at myself again.

I pulled over, I was crying too much to see clearly so that had to be dangerous. I was pretty far from the bridge now so I just sat in my car for a minute. Banging my palms on the steering wheel.

"Fuck," I mutter," Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!"

I've never screamed in my life. My dad told me that showed weakness. Except I don't think there was a day that passed that he didn't yell at me or my brother.

I took a breath and drove home.

It's not going to go away. I concluded. It won't ever go away. I'll just have to figure out a way to live like this.