Don't Leave Me|| BTS

people don't trust what they can't see.

I know it's not over. I'm not stupid. Naive, maybe, but not this time. I know now that everything can be turned back around on me, and us. All of us could've just ruined our own careers by doing that.

They all did it without a thought, they didn't think that maybe it was light enough outside for people to recognize us and be confused on to why we're entering an apartment complex that isn't ours. We didn't think that when we left and got back into our company cars. It didn't cross our minds because it wasn't a priority in the moment. In that moment, at least. But now it's this moment, and in this moment we have a lot to be our priority. I don't want us to ruin our careers cause I made a rash decision and the members felt obligated to make sure I was okay.

I know this is what I should be thinking about. This is what I should be worried about. But I'm not. For some odd reason, the calmness in me when I stood in Iron's living room tears streaming down my face but my voice didn't falter. I grabbed Hoseok's hand for protection but maybe to protect him as well. I was still the hyung in this. I still had responsibilities.

Hoseok is driving calmly, it'd quiet beside the cars outside, radio off, and Hoseok's hand laid on my thigh so I could hold it. I felt comfort, and almost almost safe.

We pull up into the flat complex's garage with no sign of the others behind us. We left and I didn't bother to make sure they left with us.

I don't need to make sure they don't kill him. I could care less.

It's wrong, but a big part of me wishes they do kill him. Then because they would already be murderers they would kill K---- too.

Or maybe I'll do it myself. Maybe being murderers is the easy way out.

"Ready to go inside?"

His voice brings me back, grounds me. Sort of. Almost.

"Yes. We can go in. I would like some coffee."

I let go of his hand and repeat in my head as go through the motions to get out of the car.

Unbuckle. He's not gonna leave me. Sit up. J-hope isn't like that. He won't leave. Hand on door. He won't leave. Open door. He won't. Feet land on the ground. He's right there. He's waiting. Close door. Hoseok smiles at you. He didn't move out of sight. Round the car. He's still there. Grab his hand. You're back. He didn't go anywhere. He waited.

I can tell he's surprised a little, but he gives me a warm smile of reassurance and we go inside.

He pressed the arrow pointing up for the elevator.

"Can we take the stairs?"

"We're kind of high up Hyung. The elevator will be easier."

I don't want this moment shattered. What if he's here? What if's he's waiting?

It makes me mad that, that fear is still there. It still surfaces anytime I want to do something people do normally.

"Please." I try my best not to sound pleading, or scared. I don't want him to know I'm scared. I'm the hyung, but I don't have the strength to protect us right now.

He frowns for mere seconds, then forces himself to smile again.

"Of course. It can be our workout for the day," Hoseok jokes, and I laugh.

I know he needs to hear it, to hear me laugh. And I can tell it makes him happy. At least for the time being.

We get to the dorm, J-hope digs through his pocket with one hand, cause I refuse to let go of the other. He doesn't pull away when I don't let go.

He unlocks and swings open the door, everything still a mess from this morning. There's breakfast still on the table, some food untouched, coffee pot still half way full, shoes scattered all by the front door we have to kick them aside.

"I guess we should start cleaning up."

And it's my voice that says that. Shit. Now I have to go through with it.

"Yeah that'll give us something to do. Let me call Taehyung first."

"Taehyung isn't good at answering," I mumble.

"Well I doubt Namjoon will."

"Call Jimin."

So he does.

I don't think about what happened in the past few hours at all while we clean. I don't even think about it when the 5 others get home, walking through the door looking exhausted. Exhausted may not be the right word. However what ever it is, every one of them shows it. The room is consumed with their emotion, their exhaustion. I can't put my finger on it, J-hope notices it too.

"What happened?"

We know what happened. But they took too long getting home, like they stopped for coffee or something. That's doubtful however. Today isn't a good day for a coffee run.

Everyone's eyes except for J-hope's is on me.

So I figure it might be my turn to ask, "What?"

"We deleted it," Seokjin says.

Namjoon walks past me, pushing the sink on and diving his fist under the water. Jungkook goes to the freezer to grab ice and puts it in a big bowl.

"What?" cause I know I didn't hear him.

"There's nothing to worry-" Seokjin started.

"Shut the fuck up," I can hear myself saying it but I can't comprehend that it came out of my mouth.

And everyone freezes. Namjoon stands behind me, I can hear his fist in the bowl of ice. Jungkook moves, leaning against the fridge on the side of me. Jimin and Tae slowly move towards the kitchen table, but stops to see Seokjin's reaction.

"Yoongi," it's stern, but I know he didn't expect that reaction. He doesn't know rather to be mad at me or understanding. I can tell he has no idea what to do at this point.

"Just answer my question. Don't be so avoidant. It's annoying," I'm saying it all like we're having a fight about me not picking up after myself and Seokjin is saying everything that is supposed to mean 'pick it up' but he's trying to use any word that isn't that, and I have to guess what he means even though I already know what he means.

 "Hun-cheol had a video, and we deleted it. He said he was trying to say that but you attacked him," I open my mouth but Jin is faster, "Before you say anything I know you didn't attack him, for no reason. He deserved it."

I don't care if he didn't deserve it. I don't care if he's dead, I want to say. I want to ask if he is, so I know if we should be planning to hide a body instead of sitting here talking about my feelings.

But all I can think is, 'did they watch it'? And I think how I should react if they say yes. I'm already pissed off, and I'm ready to never forgive them. I'm ready to walk out that door and keep walking until someone kills me. I can not live knowing they saw a video of me and Kidoh. I'll have to leave BTS and move out of Korea. Somewhere they can't me. Maybe I can fake my death. Or maybe it'll be easier if I die for real.

I can't take it. The only right answer is no.

Did you watch it?

Did you watch it?

I can't bring myself to ask.

Tell me you didn't. Tell me you didn't even see to confirm it was me. Tell me there wasn't a frozen on one clip, and you had to stare at me until you pressed the trash can button. Tell me Iron deleted it, and you just trusted him.

I don't know which is worse.

Maybe I shouldn't know. Maybe I should never know.

"What video?" J-hope speaks up, and I feel like I might throw up.

No, I'm going to throw up.